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Year/Decade in Review

2010-01-01T11:06:00.003-06:00

There was a meme on Twitter for #oneline09, summarizing 2009 in one line. I wrote this:
Became a mom: lost sleep, lost free time, found more love than I ever imagined.

That pretty well summed up the highlights. We traveled around a bit showing off that baby. On a sad note, I lost my grandfather in February and my grandmother in August, but at 90 and 89 their passings were clearly drawing near.

Some have pointed out that the decade doesn't officially change for another year, but since a decade is just a series of 10 years I think we can look back whenever. So, like others, this seems like a good time to do a quick recap of my life since 2000. And wow, has this been quite a decade of change.

In 2000 I lived in Pittsburgh. Since then I moved to Arlington, VA (working in Washington, D.C.), and I now live in Chicago.

In 2000 I left my job of 6+ years for a job that I would be laid off from a year later. I got another job where I worked for 2 years before going back to school for to get my Master's of Science in Information Security Policy and Management. After that came a new job. (The one that made me move to the D.C.-area.) And when I decided to move to Chicago that was enabled by yet another job still.

Oh, why did I decide to move to Chicago? Because my now husband and I wanted to move here. In 2000 I wasn't even dating anyone seriously. I got into a relationship in 2001 that dissolved in 2004. In 2005 I met my now husband. We moved halfway across the country together, got married, and this year we had a son. In 2000 I wasn't even thinking about children.

It's hard to imagine but in 2000 I wasn't a playwright. I was acting, directing, choreographing and producing, but I didn't start playwriting until 2003 when I wrote a play on a whim that got selected and produced at the Gemini New Play Festival. After that I was hooked. I've only acted once since then, but I've had enough play productions that it would take me a while to figure out the total number in order to include it here. I've even (rarely) gotten some money as a result.

It's amazing that all that and more have been crammed into the last 10 years. Part of me sort of hopes that the next 10 years will be a bit more stable, but somehow I doubt that will be the case.

One week until Christmas?!?

2009-12-18T12:02:00.002-06:00

Wow. This year has flown by. You'd think that newborn-induced lack of sleep would make it seem longer. Well, it's time to finish getting ready for Christmas and start thinking about what will be on my uberlist for next year. (I didn't do one this year because I had no idea what I'd be able to handle with a new baby.) I'll also do my year in review, although I already did it in one line on Twitter:

Became a mom: lost sleep, lost free time, found more love than I ever imagined.

Update: TMI edition

2009-11-10T17:17:00.003-06:00

WARNING: This post contains what is probably too much information for many people. Biological information. Woman biological information. No, this is worse than the usual breastfeeding news, although there is some of that, too. This is of a more *monthly* variety. Yes, THAT female information. Stop reading now. I warned you.

Oh, are you still here? Anyway...

I'm still breastfeeding. A little. The critter latches on well first thing in the morning. Occasionally, he'll breastfeed if he is very tired or upset. Generally though he's don't with that. He is starting to hold his own bottle, and he eats three small pureed meals a day. He's a big boy. I'm still pumping though. Those few times that I get to breastfeed are worth it.

I guess it's because of the decreased breastfeeding (although my milk still seems to be holding steady), but I...remember, I warned you...I'm menstruating again. For the first time since June 2008! Let me tell you I sure didn't miss it. This forced me to buy tampons for the first time in a long time. Things have changed in 16 months! My preferred brand has changed it's packaging and...gosh...were they always that expensive?

Anyway, I was getting used to not having this particular womanly event, so it's weird to have it again. Was that too much information? Hey, I warned you.

Want: Fashionable Apron

2009-10-26T11:30:00.000-05:00

pretty

Off My Meds

2009-10-16T09:25:00.004-05:00

I finally ran out of the domperidone that I had been taking to increase my breastmilk supply. I don't know what is going to happen now.

After finding out that my insurance wouldn't pay for it, I had a big decision to make. By that time he was 3 months old, and I was back at work. I decided that, as directed for going off the med, I would slowly decrease my dose until my milk supply began to decrease. At that point, I would stick with that dose until I ran out of pills. I knew that some people could go off the meds and maintain supply, but I also knew that some people cannot. Generally, the supply can't be regained once lost. I decided that I was prepared to take that risk.

I gradually decreased from 10 pills a day. I would subtract one pill and wait a few days. When there was no change I'd remove another pill. I eventually got down to 3 pills a day (the minimum dose). The amount I pumped each day at work had stayed level at 8 ounces, so I continued to take 3.

A little over a week ago I finally ran out of the pills. Coming to the end was really scary. I knew that breastfeeding to 7 months isn't too bad, and I enjoyed my time doing it. Still, I was scared to lose that connection with my boy.

He has begun breastfeeding less frequently. He'll latch on well first thing in the morning when he's very hungry and I'm very full. Most other times of day he'll squirm and cry if I try to put him on the boob, even if he's hungry and will subsequently chug down a bottle. My pumping has decreased to about 6 ounces a day.
Maybe his feeding is slowing down because my supply is decreasing. Maybe my supply is decreasing because he is slowing down. Maybe it is just his time to wean. I don't know.

I keep trying. Sometimes, the critter will surprise me with some good breastfeeding. Sometimes, I pump an extra ounce. But I'm not confident that I will be able to breastfeed for much longer. I knew it wouldn't last forever, but it will make me sad when I have to stop.

Things I will miss about breastfeeding:
the closeness I feel with my boy;
the way he looks up at me when he's feeding;
the way he plays with his feet when he's feeding;
the strange wonder of being able to make milk (albeit not a lot);
and, okay yeah, the bigger boobs.

There are, however, things I won't miss about breastfeeding:
pumping;
nursing pads;
and if this ends soon, I won't be sad to miss out on breastfeeding a baby with teeth!

For now, I'm going to keep going as best I can.

A lot of loss

2009-10-15T10:51:00.005-05:00

My son was born this year, and that has been awesome. Unfortunately, the rest of the year has been a whole lot of suck for my mom's side of the family. My grandfather died in February. My grandmother on the same side died in August. Now, in October, the dam was washed out at my grandparents' place (now cared for by my parents) thus eliminating the beautiful lake on which the house sat and leaving only a small creek and a lot of mud. I'd like to think the losses are over, but my mom also inherited my grandfather's very old German Sheppard, who is very slow and nearly blind.

"Turn, turn, turn," I know. But it is hard to have so much taken away in one year. Although I realized that nothing is forever, I was hoping the critter would have more opportunities to hang out with his great-grandparents by a serene lake while petting a big, friendly dog. (His great-grandfather died two weeks before he was born, but his great-granny did get to meet him once.)

A Better Form Letter of Rejection

2009-10-05T15:50:00.003-05:00

(Literary Managers, feel free to use this!)

Dear playwright:

You are awesome. Seriously. You wrote a play. You didn’t just get an idea that you eventually forgot about. You didn’t jot down notes on a piece of paper that you later lost. You didn’t leave a few pages of dialogue in a long unopened file on your hard drive. You didn’t say that you would write a play. You actually wrote a play. I applaud your obvious passion for writing.

Not only did you write a play, but you took the time to submit it to us. I appreciate the time, dedication, and bravery it takes to send your work to be judged by strangers. I am honored that you trusted our theatre with your words.

I regret to inform you that we will not be producing your play. You and I both know that this is a form letter, so I won’t insult you with vague excuses for this rejection. You can’t learn anything from the phrase “not a good fit” even if it is sincere. However, I can truly state that I wish I had better news for you. I took this job because I enjoy working with playwrights and getting to produce plays. I don’t like having to be the bad guy.

Please keep writing, and keep submitting your work wherever you can. Go and prove me an idiot for having sent this. I hope to someday hear your name in connection with a highly successful production or prestigious award, and I hope I will recognize you as someone whose work I allowed to pass across my desk. I don’t want to think that I killed your dreams or chances at success. Your success will help to ease my conscience, which is burdened by having to reject so many plays that I need to do it via form letter.

Sincerely,
Literary Manager/signed

A Tired Mommy Morning

2009-09-22T10:03:00.002-05:00

For the first time in a long time I was too tired. Since having the baby, I am often (constantly?) tired, but I usually work through it. This morning I could not.

Perhaps it's because after a long stretch of sleeping through the night fairly consistently the critter has woken up for 5 nights in a row. His best nights in this series involve being completely awake at 4 a.m. On Saturday he was up at 1 and stayed up until 2:30.

Last night was a 4 a.m. night. Not bad, but I think the cumulative effects of this series of nights got to me. I was actually fine at 4. I fed him and rocked him for over an hour. Then I washed the bottles that we had left the night before. (This was the wrong choice since it woke up the hubby. Sorry, babe.) Then I went back to bed. Fine.

It was when the critter woke up a little before 7 that got to me. Usually, I get up and am tired, but once I see my smiling boy I am somehow able to get to active mothering. This morning that didn't work. For the first time since month one or two, I just couldn't find the strength to do it. I changed his diaper, put him in his pack n play, and lay down on the couch.

I couldn't sleep while he was playing, but knowing that he was contained and safe let me rest my eyes and my mind at least a bit.

He played for almost an hour before getting fussy. Investigation showed that cause was a very poopy diaper, which I took care of. Then I put him back in his box for a little while, but he was ready to be out. Luckily, an hour of moderate neglect gave me the boost I needed to become my usual mommy self. I let him wriggle long enough to prepare myself some coffee and breakfast. Then, I let him go free range under my supervision and participation.

A nap was a long time coming. After feeding him, I put him down to rest, but another poopy diaper disrupted any hope at sleep. After taking care of that, there was a little more playing, a little more eating, and a little more fussing before he finally fell asleep. I should probably take this opportunity to return to the newborn advice to "sleep when my baby sleeps," but I'm awake now. I can do exciting things like blog and brush my teeth.

Okay, so I only struggled for an hour, but it was a long hour. It's a good thing that today is my day off. Of course, if it weren't my day off I would have tagged my husband in the middle of the night, which might have prevented some of my exhaustion. All I know is that I'm hoping that the critter learns to sleep through the night again. And soon.

A Passive Aggressive View of Web Publishing

2009-09-02T14:43:00.003-05:00

I turned of the RSS feed that sent my blog posts directly to Facebook. (Or at least I think I did. We'll see if they randomly show up.)

I found myself not wanting to post things because of I didn't want them posted on Facebook. Sure, this is a public blog. Anyone on Facebook could read it. But there is a big difference between putting something out there where people can choose to go and read it and having that same content post to a "wall" that it essentially sent out to people with the implicit message of "Hey! Read this!" When I want to talk about personal things, like the continued status of my breastfeeding challenges, I feared that many of my Facebook connections would have an "Ew! Too much information!" reaction; whereas, those who choose to find me hear follow at their own peril. If this is too much information, it is information that you chose to find. And it is your choice whether you want to return to read again or not.

If there is something I deem appropriate for my entire social networking circle, I can choose to repost, but the experiment with an automatic feed has proven too public for me. I prefer to hide in plain sight like the wallflower I once was.

On the Mommy Track

2009-08-03T10:53:00.002-05:00

I’ve always considered myself a career-woman. Sure, I may have sometimes slowed my career (and earnings) in exchange for changes in specialty and employment sector, but I was always focused on being successful in my professional life. Even as recently as my maternity leave I applied for another position in search of greater challenges and visibility.

That most recent job pursuit resulted in three rounds of interviews. In that last round, I was one of two finalists (down from 20 candidates for the initial phone interview and who knows how many applicants). In the end, they chose the other person. I was disappointed, of course! Who doesn’t want people to think they are the best person for a job? But I was also a bit relieved. By the time the choice was made I had been back to work for several weeks and was increasingly unhappy about the time my job kept me away from the critter. A new job would mean a learning curve that would likely result in longer hours. The greater degree of responsibility would like mean that those longer hours would likely persist.

Another mommy had pointed out that with 50 hours a week in daycare the critter spent most of his waking hours there. That was a very depressing thought. On weekends I didn’t want to do anything without the baby because I was acutely aware of how limited that time was. My personal self began to atrophy due to the lack of time when I wasn’t caring for the baby. I was exhausted. Something had to change.

So, starting this week, I will be a part-time SAHM. I start working 3 days a week, which gives me 2 extra days with my boy and a lot of extra breathing room to occasionally do things on my own without feeling guilty for being away. By working part time (rather than staying at home full time), I’ll still get the satisfaction of my professional accomplishments, contributing to the household income, and just having a reason to know what day of the week it is. I am hopeful that this will be the perfect balance for me.

I am extremely grateful to my wonderful husband whose support (both personally and financially) is making this possible. I am truly a very lucky woman.

So, will this adjustment affect my future career opportunities? I hope not, but I realize it might. That’s okay. My priority is my boy. For all my accomplishments both professionally and artistically, this critter is the project that by far brings me the most joy. I never expected to not continue working full time, but I never expected to love motherhood this much. It is the most amazing thing I've ever done.

Superman 2.0

2009-07-30T10:41:00.001-05:00

Lois Lane: Can you read my mind? Can you picture the things I'm thinking of?

Superman: Right now you’re thinking of a particularly amusing lolcat.

Lois Lane: So you can read my mind!

Superman: Well, yes, but also you just posted it to Facebook.

Lois Lane: Oh. But can you see through my clothes?

Superman: Ummm…no. That planter must be made of lead.

Lois Lane: Ha!

Superman: But I saw you tagged in some pictures from Cabo last year and can pretty much imagine the rest.

Pitchfork Recap

2009-07-24T09:03:00.002-05:00

The critter went to his first concert on Sunday. Well, that would be his first post-natal concert since many concerts were part of our pre-natal flurry of activity. But baby's first concert will be recorded as day 3 of the Pitchfork festival.

I had been excited about the prospect when we got the tickets. Then I got even more excited when they started announcing the Sunday bands, which included The Thermals, The Walkmen, and The Flaming Lips. However, as the date approached I became nervous about the logistics of the day. Because of the critter and all his gear it would be best to drive, but would we ever find a parking space? The Flaming Lips didn't go on until 8:40 PM by which time the critter is usually in bed. How would that impact his sleep cycle? We wanted to arrive by The Thermals at 4:15, making for a long day. Would the critter be fussy? Would there be a massive poopy diaper to have to clean up on a blanket in a field? How would the critter tolerate having his ear protection on all day?

Luckily, it all turned out okay.

The critter was calm. He napped a little when we wandered around after The Walkmen. He fell asleep for good during The Flaming Lips and barely stirred on the move to the car, a diaper change, putting on his sleep sack, or putting him in his crib. And he slept through the night.

As far as enjoying the concert, which is why we were there, it was a good time. Because of the critter we stayed a bit further back than we normally would, but that was okay. The sound wasn't great (and you could hear music from the B stage when listening to someone on A or C). Still, it was nice to be outside listening to music. We drank some beer and had some great curry.

We left about an hour into The Flaming Lips' set. The critter was fine, but mom and dad were getting tired. (It was a school night!) Plus, we knew it would be easier to get the stroller out if we left before the crowd. We moved to the perimeter of the crowd, but decided to stay to see what the next song would be. This turned out to be a great decision. The song was "Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots," which has special meaning for us. A piano and standing bass played it for my processional at our wedding. :-)

Waking Hours

2009-07-15T16:50:00.002-05:00

The critter woke up last night. For weeks he's been sleeping through the night or pretty close to it, but last night was not like that.

He woke up around 2:30 a.m. His diaper was very wet and had leaked. I changed him. He was very awake, so I fed him. I had forgotten how peaceful it was to feed him at night in the rocking chair. I haven't done that since going back to work. Once he was drowsy, I set him down in the crib and went back to bed.

He woke again around 4:30 a.m. This time I let hubby get up. He fed the critter a bottle then brought him back to our bed.

About an hour later as hubby and I were getting up and ready for work the critter was still asleep. I watched him before I got up. He was peaceful. But as I was getting ready, he seemed to be having a very sad baby dream. He was still asleep, but he was wimpering and sniffling. It was sort of cute but also quite pitiful. When he woke up he cried loudly. Different cries sound different. This was a very sad cry. This was a very sad critter.

I fed him in the big chair. That calmed him. That's one of my favorite things about breastfeeding: the power to calm the critter when he is distressed. I'll be needing the power again tonight. It's his 4 month well-baby visit, and there are going to be a lot of shots.

Oh, I'm sure the doctor will ask if the critter is sleeping through the night. I'll have to say "Well..."

A morning out of sorts

2009-07-13T08:24:00.002-05:00

Our ritual this morning was different, and I'm still not feeling quite right.

It's the daycare lady's vacation, so Granny Z is in for critter duty. This changed what needed to be done in the morning and by whom, which (particularly before having a significant amount of coffee) was enough to seriously throw me off my game.

Theoretically, the morning was a lot easier. For one, I didn't have to carry so much stuff to the car. I also didn't have to eat breakfast while breastfeeding, and I could leave for work a little later since I didn't have to stop at daycare.

On the other hand, it took a lot of thinking to figure out whether I had everything I needed since I had so little to actually take with me. I also ran around like a crazy person reminding my mom where everything was from hats for the critter to lunches for her. I spent all morning not quite knowing what I needed to do. Hopefully, I'll get more relaxed as the week goes on. (Just in time to return to the old ritual on Monday!)

It didn't help that the critter was particularly cute and snuggly this morning. It's hard to leave him regardless of who is taking care of him.

Dead links

2009-07-07T15:34:00.002-05:00

I actually have a few notes on a potential play dealing with how web accounts live on after a person dies, but I've just had my first personal brush with the phenomenon.

I found out that one of my professional contacts on LinkedIn passed away several weeks ago. Naturally, his LinkedIn profile does not indicate this, even in the "What are you working on now?" box. I doubt his family will worry about about removing his profile, even if they know it is out there. As a result, my professional network is likely to include a dead man for quite a while.

Unless Kim Deal is standing behind me, there is no "Kim D" here

2009-07-03T14:39:00.004-05:00

I knew it would happen someday. Today I was called "Kim D" for the first time.

At the Bikram studio, when there are multiple people with the same name, they refer to people by their first name and last initial. I don't know if it's because she's new or if it's because I'm not normally at the Friday morning class, but this was the first time I've practiced with another Kim. So I was "Kim D."

I have been "Kim Z" for so long the combination feels like my first name. To closer friends I have been "Kimmy Z" as well. (Never just "Kimmy." Never. Ever.) Even since I've gotten married I am still Kim Z to a lot of people. It is my attachment to my zed that inspired me to use it as my middle initial when I changed my name. I remain Kim Z.

But at the Bikram studio they've only known me since I've been married. They naively think of my initial as being the first letter of my last name. They don't know how foreign that sounds to me.

I'm sure I'll have to be Kim D again sometime. Probably at the yoga studio but in other places as well. Perhaps I'll get used to it, but it won't change the fact that I am now, and always will be, Kim Z.

A sea of changes rather than sea change

2009-07-02T16:52:00.001-05:00

Before having a child of my own I thought of developmental milestones as a finite list of significant acts: rolling over, crawling, walking talking. But watching the critter keeps me amazed at the many subtle changes that I hadn’t thought about before. I remember how he used to root around headfirst with his arms just hanging limp. Then, he started to flail his arms, occasionally hitting a toy by luck. Then, he learned to grip. Now, he willfully bats at his toys and delights in their spinning and swinging.

The same goes for his voice. He still has a long way to go before his first word, but he has become so expressive with sounds other than just crying. I wish I knew what he was saying, but I love to watch how happy “talking” makes him. Yesterday he discovered that he has the ability to make a very high and loud squeaking sound. I’ll admit that the sound was not the most pleasant, but it was fun to see him delight in his discovery.

A friend told me that watching a baby is like watching the ocean. I think I know what she meant. Both are constantly changing. Both are calming. Both make me happy. Of course, I don’t live by the ocean, but Lake Michigan is a good stand in. This weekend I am likely to, at some point, be watching both my baby and the lake. How wonderful!

This is mostly a test

2009-06-28T09:26:00.004-05:00

This is to see what happens with my RSS feed to Facebook. Yesterday I added that, and it posted my last 24 posts! It's not a big deal since they are public anyway, but it was not what I intended to do. I tried to delete them (So people wouldn't think, "WTF? Why is she posting all this?), but they kept coming back. I'll see what happens when I create some I post something new.

I've been fighting the Facebook thing for some time now. Partly because of concerns about the misappropriaton of my personal information. Partly because I didn't want to take the time.

As for the privacy concerns, I am paying close attention to my privacy settings, including using suggestions from articles on Facebook privacy such as this and this. Plus, as with all my online activities, I try to avoid posting anything that would be particularly damaging even if someday found by someone outside the intended audience.

As for the time, we'll see how that goes. With the critter there is even less of what used to be free time, so I'm striving for balance. (I already put a filter on my Gmail to have Facebook notifications skip the inbox and go into a facebook folder. That way I'm not constantly being pinged, but I still have a way to check on Facebook activity without having to go to the site.)

I will say that it's nice to connect to people with whom I haven't been in touch for a while. Also, many friends of friends have been using Facebook as a primary mode of communication, so it's nice to be in the loop.

Shameless Self-Promotion: 10 Minute Plays in Macon, Ga.

2009-06-26T11:23:00.003-05:00

Literary Arts Theatre Festival – 10-minute plays

Monday, June 29 (ONE NIGHT ONLY)

567 Cherry Street, Macon, Georgia

$3 at the door

I have two plays in this festival of staged readings of seven 10-minute plays. The program is split into two programs. The "family friendly" plays start at 7 PM, and the "mature audience" plays start at 9 PM. I have a show in each half.

My "family friendly" selection is "Serenity Lounge Anxiety." This is a 10-minute cutting of a longer one-act play about the very intimate relationships that can develop with one's massage therapist. Neither the 10-minute version nor the full one-act have had any prior performances, so I'm disappointed to miss the opportunity to hear this done.

My "mature" selection is "With a View of Gray Street." This comedy about a man looking for a very specific apartment premiered at Future Tenant's Future Ten festival in 2006.

I'm amused that this wound up in a "mature audiences" (Warning!) section. I don't consider that play to be particularly racy. I specifically held back some of my more provocative works since I figured they would be too much for Macon!

My dad's play "Girl's Night Out" is also a part of the "mature" portion of the evening. Our family has 3 plays out of 7. Not bad.

If you happen to be in Macon on Monday, please check it out!

Because the trees might read what you left on the printer

2009-06-24T14:15:00.003-05:00

I sometimes get emails with the signature line, "Please consider the environment before printing this email." I'm pretty sure that the authors just don't want me to waste paper, but an information security person reads this as a different sort of warning entirely.

Longest sleep yet!

2009-06-24T08:32:00.002-05:00

The little one slept through the night. He slept from 9 PM until just as I was getting up to feed him. Sadly, on my current schedule that’s 5:30 AM, but that’s a lot more palatable when I wasn’t just up at 4 AM.

Okay. So I still woke up at 4 AM, but I was slightly more calm about it than I was last time.

The morning feeding was thrown off a bit by this new development. Normally, his dad feeds him a bottle while I am in the shower, and I finish off with breastfeeding right before we head to daycare. This morning I decided to feed him off the breast first. I hadn't breastfed or pumped since 8 PM, so I was really full. I make so little milk that I can't stand to see any go down the shower drain, so I fed him just enough to stop the leaking. That made him less interested in the bottle when dad tried to feed him. Then, when I would normally do the last minute breastfeeding, he wasn't interested in the breast but took the rest of his bottle. I warned the daycare lady that his schedule will likely be a bit off today. I'll happily figure out a new morning feeding routine if it means sleeping through the night becomes a the norm!

I’m still tired though.

Got: Spray Pancakes

2009-06-23T12:23:00.004-05:00

As follow up from my previous post, I should mention that we did try the aerosol pancakes this weekend.

Apparently, the Batter Blaster is available at all the major supermarkets in our area. Who knew? (Enter your zip code to find sources near you.) We had a friend visiting from DC for the weekend, so it seemed like a good time to experiment with this crazy product.

Our friend actually did the cooking. She said it was a bit hard to control the size and placement of the pancakes. Still, she managed to make quite a few. The first ones varied between undercooked and overcooked, but I find it takes a while to get the pan temperature correct with any sort of pancakes.

They tasted good. They tasted like pancakes. Didn't notice anything better or worse than pancakes from a mix, although these are organic.

Probably the best thing about this product is it would be really easy to make pancakes for one person. Everything is ready to go in the fridge so you just need to heat up a pan. Then the rest can go back in the refrigerator. Plus there's no mess to clean up (other than the pan).

And I'm still a playwright...

2009-06-22T12:20:00.002-05:00

I haven't done any playwriting since December. I haven't submitted many of my finished plays either, particularly since the critter was born. I do still consider myself a playwright; it just hasn't been the focus of my life (and, therefore, of this blog).

My folks did give me a heads up on a festival seeking submissions down by them in Georgia. They wanted email submissions, so it was easy to send a couple of scripts off to them.

The festival director just called to let me know that they want to both plays. It's a one-night only of staged readings, but it's at least a production credit. I haven't had any work produced since january

Shameless self promotion post coming soon (when I get more details).

Talkin' Derby

2009-06-22T08:05:00.005-05:00

We took the critter to his first roller derby this weekend. At first it seemed like it would be the definition of "overstimulation." He going to be out past his bedtime, and he was fascinated by the lighted messages that scroll around the UIC Pavillion and often startled by the announcers ("And your lead jammer is...!"). But by the time it got to the championship bout he had fallen asleep and stayed that way for most of the first half, the halftime show, and some of the second half.

(He was awake for the exciting conclusion when the underdog Manic Attackers came from behind to take the 2009 Ivy King Cup over the Hells Belles!)

WHO can't sleep through the night?

2009-06-19T08:52:00.004-05:00

I awoke at 4:10. I don't know if I woke up because I'm used to being awake at that hour, or if I woke up because my breasts were so full and hard with milk. I did not wake up because I heard the baby. The baby was silent.

That's good, right? Usually, on a good night, he goes to bed around 9 PM and then wakes up for a feeding between 3 and 4 AM. Sleeping longer is good, right? Only if I can sleep too.

I stared at the clock, listening to the silence of the baby monitor. I couldn't help worrying if he was alright. After all, he fussed a little after we put him down last night. He wasn't crying out, so I let him fuss to see if he'd calm himself. Which he did. Or I thought he did. What if something was wrong? What if something was wrong, and I didn't check on him?

It was 4:20 when I couldn't fight the urge to check on him. I knew I might wake him up. I didn't want to wake him up. I just needed to know he was alright.

I entered the room as quietly as you can in an old building with creeky doors and squeaky floors. I approached the crib, but in the dark of the nightlight I couldn't tell if he was moving. Under the sleepsack I couldn't tell if he was breathing. I fought the urge to touch him or blow on him to get him to stir. I didn't want to wake him up. Eventually his lips moved a bit, as they sometimes do in his sleep. A finger moved. I went back to our bedroom.

I was trying to go back to sleep when the baby monitor started beeping. Sometimes it beeps when it loses contact with the main unit in the nursery. It loses contact for a second, then is fine. This time it was not fine. It just kept beeping with a glowing red light. Then, I realized that the smoke alarm was chirping too, and the clock was off. The storm had knocked the power out.

I opened our door and the door to the nursery and tried to go back to sleep. I still couldn't. I considered pumping to empty my breasts, but although the pump has batteries, I didn't want to have to deal with that in the dark. I just laid in bed. Until 4:55 when the baby woke for what would now be his 5 AM feeding.

Since I was so very awake, I fed him in the nursery instead of my usual, lazy, middle-of-the-night, feed-in-bed-so-I-can-sleep technique. I was finishing up when the power came on at 5:30. I put him back down in his crib. I got back into bed. The hubby got up to work out at 5:45. I got about 20 minutes more sleep before I had to get up.

The critter slept more than 8 hours straight last night. Mommy did not.

Decisions

2009-06-16T08:13:00.003-05:00

I'm going to have to make some critter-related decisions in the next few days.

First, I heard back from the big daycare center where I had been on the wait list since November. They have a space for our critter starting in September. Now, I need to decide whether to keep the critter in his current home day care or move him to the big center.

The current daycare situation is in a woman's home. She and an assistant take care of 7 kids from the critter (the youngest) up to age 4. The location is very close to my home, and the critter seems to be doing well there (in the little over two weeks he's gone).

The daycare center would put the critter in a group of 12-15 kids his own age, with whom he would move from room to room as they grow. For older kids, the center has very good arts, music, and swimming programs, and getting the critter in now would guarantee him a spot in those. The center is closer to my work. The critter wouldn't need to be in care as long, but the time gained with me would just be time in the car. It's more expensive, but we can afford it if we think it's worth it.

Thoughts and suggestions on this matter are apppreciated, particularly from the mommies across the country that sometimes read my blog.

The other issue is that after a long time of claims being sent to the wrong address and then needing to take the time to resubmit them, I have now gotten the notification that the domperidone that I started taking to increase my milk supply is not covered by insurance. We've already paid for 3 months for which we won't be reimbursed (which we knew was a risk), but the question is whether I should continue taking it.

If I stop taking the drug my milk supply will likely decrease or possibly dry up altogether. It might not, but if I choose not to refill it anymore I need to be prepared for the fact that that may mean the end of breastfeeding. On the other hand, we are spending a lot of money on this drug, but I still need to feed the critter quite a bit of formula. (It's probably about half of what he eats.) An additional variable is that the pediatrician says he can start solid foods next month. Now, I've read that there is no hurry and starting foods early just creates an additional chore, but that decision seems relevant to how important it is to keep my milk supply.

Ah. Too much to think about. I just want to make the best decisions for my boy. I know he'll be fine at either daycare. I know he'll be fine without breastmilk. Knowing all that makes the decisions that much harder.

Better use of 15 minutes

2009-06-15T08:10:00.004-05:00

I didn't make this mistake again. This morning I had 15 extra minutes again, so I put the critter in the stroller and went for a little walk. We just went to the mailbox and then to the coffee shop to get momma some coffee and zucchini bread, but it was nice to have a little time. The critter had fallen asleep while I brushed her teeth and packed the day's milk, but he woke up for the walk. It was nice to have him awake so I could interract with him during the extra time, although watching him sleep is a joy, too.

I love my baby.

Our walk was so nice it almost made it okay to be Monday. Almost. This was a particularly nice weekend with two nice sunny days to go to Midsommarfest. (I blew my diet a bit on festival food, but it's good for the soul to have funnel cake at least once a year, right?) Mom, Dad, and Critter all got goodies, too. Hubby bought me a bracelet and himself a funky belt buckle. One of the posh kids stores in our neighborhood is going to be an online only business, which is sort of sad, but it meant a super sale. The critter got a fun stuffed bunny, a fashionable onesie, and blocks (for when he's older but at 50% off it was worth buying and storing them).

Looking forward to critter's first summer.

15 More Minutes

2009-06-12T08:12:00.001-05:00

Although I felt like the morning was as chaotic as usual, I was disappointed to realize that I somehow managed to get to daycare more than 15 minutes earlier than usual. Why disappointed? Well, I only get a few waking hours at home with my baby on weekdays. Losing 15 minutes of that is significant. I wish I had stayed home a little bit longer and read him a story or snuggled him or let him play. Next time I will watch the clock more closely.

This morning: messy AND sleepy

2009-06-11T08:36:00.001-05:00

After the good news that the critter is growing, we had a rough morning.

We’ve gotten pretty good with getting the critter to bed. We started a bedtime ritual and using the crib a few weeks ago. He can usually fall asleep on his own. On a good night, he’ll sleep from 8:30 PM until 3 or 4 AM. Last night was not one of those nights.

He woke up at 12:45 AM. Generally I’ve been just taking him to bed if he wakes up. It doesn’t help us get any closer to having him sleep through the night, but with trying to adjust to going back to work it is nice to be able to just latch him onto a breast and go back to sleep while he does what he needs to do. Last night, I tried to be “good.” I got up and fed him in the nursery. Then he put him back down in the crib. He was crying about 20 minutes later. Hubby brought him to me in bed. I cuddled the critter until he fell back asleep and, eventually, I did too.

He woke up again at 5 AM. That’s actually worse than getting up earlier since it means I don’t get to go back to sleep before 6 AM, which is when I need to get up nowadays (an hour before my pre-critter waking time). As a result, I was moving pretty slowly when I did get up. Hubby did his usual portion of the critter prep and left for work. I proceeded as usual, but after I did the final breast feed on the critter he spit up. A lot. Granted, he didn’t get me like he got his dad a few days ago. I managed to be prepared with a burp cloth. Still, he covered his face, arm and chest pretty well. As I was trying to clean him off he was leaning back a little when he spit up again. It spurted up like a sour milk fountain.

The drooling sort of spit up doesn’t distress him, but he seemed quite uncomfortable during all this. I held him until he became calm. Apparently, I was successful because he fell back asleep. This is actually a good thing because he needs his sleep, but I was disappointed for two reasons. (1) He looks like such an angel when he is sleeping that I just want to stay and hold him forever; and (2) I wanted to be able to go back to sleep, too!

He woke up a bit when I changed him into clean clothes but fell back to sleep when I strapped him into the car seat. He was still asleep when we got to daycare.

Momma has to cope with coffee.

3 Months: My Big Guy

2009-06-11T08:21:00.004-05:00

We had 3 month critter weigh in yesterday. He is 24 inches long/tall and 13 lbs and 2 oz. That's actually a normal weight! Right around the 50% percentile. Yay for growing critter!

Want: Spray pancakes

2009-06-10T11:33:00.004-05:00

We've been eating a lot more prepared foods since the arrival of the critter. Part of this is because hubby, previously not very experienced with cooking, has been doing most of the meal prep in order to help me out. He's recently started branching out into actual cooking, but it was nice to discover that there are many good prepared food options out there (particularly from Trader Joe's).

Although it's not going to help me lose the baby weight, I can't help but be tempted by pancakes from a spray can. Perhaps a treat...

Messy Morning

2009-06-08T08:25:00.002-05:00

So, I knew something like this would happen some morning, but I thought it would happen to me. The critter spit up his breakfast. All over dad.

Dad is in charge of feeding critter formula, changing the diaper, and getting the baby dressed while mommy starts getting ready. (Normally we do formula AFTER breastfeeding, but in the morning this made more sense since hubby leaves before I do.) This has worked fine, but this morning while critter spit up most of his formula all over dad. Unfortunately, it is a rainy day; otherwise, hubby would have been in a tshirt and shorts ready to bike to work. Instead, he was actually in one of his nice, custom-fit, dress shirts and khakis. Spit up formula was all over his shirt, his pants, and the kitchen floor. I took care of the floor while hubby changed.

After all that, critter had very little interest in feeding off the breast. He wanted to play instead. I'll be interested in the report from daycare. It's definitely a different sort of day.

Coffee Pants

2009-06-04T08:14:00.005-05:00

In an effort to continuously improve my my morning routine I decided to bring my coffee in a thermos today. Well, I decided this after already pouring half of it into a travel mug, so I wasn't giving myself a free hand. But that wasn't the problem. I hadn't used the thermos for a while, so I forgot that it leaks if it falls on its side. Which is what it did in the shopping bag with the milk and my lunch as I slowly made my way down the stairs. When I got to the garage I noticed that the side of my pants had some wet spots.

Luckily, I was wearing dark brown pants. I knew that once the drips had dried the spills wouldn't be noticeable. (I know this because I was a veteran spiller of coffee well before I was a mother.) Still, it's annoying. I'm going to smell like coffee all day. Although, realistically, I was probably going to smell like coffee all day anyway. It is my helper in primary work goal of staying awake. (I'll be more ambitious in week two.)

Notes to self: buy new thermos; wash pants; create elaborate pully system for lowering my belongings to ground level.

UPDATE: The process of the thermos leaking involved coffee leaking from the sippy opening in the internal lid, into the cup lid, and out onto me. As a result, when I went to open the thermos at work all the coffee that had remained trapped in the cup lid spilled all over the carpet (which, luckily, is also brown). It's an awesome day! Is it Friday yet?

The morning ritual...

2009-06-03T08:06:00.002-05:00

...is complicated.

Hubby and I have been working to coordinate bathroom time and other preparations for the day. For example, hubby changes and dresses the critter while I'm in the shower. Lunch packing and milk/formula preparations are usually done the night before.

I still don't have a rhythm yet. Yesterday, I was almost done feeding the critter, which is usually my last thing to do, when I realized I hadn't put on make-up yet. I've made coffee at home, or I've waiting until going to work. And there is the variable of how hungry the crit is. Somedays he feeds more than others, and it seems like the daycare lady still needs to feed him within an hour of his arrival.

The biggest problem is all the stuff I have to carry down the 3 flights of stairs to the garage. (Thank goodness I decided to start driving to work. I couldn't do all this on the train.) I have my purse, my breast pump, my lunch, a cooler of bottles for the critter, a coffee mug (sometimes), and the critter in a car seat. It's a lot of stuff! I've thought about leaving the pump in the car, but sometimes I need it at night. Plus, I'd still need to bring in all the washable parts and the expressed milk.

So far, the only efficiency I've come up with is putting my lunch and the milk cooler in a reusable shopping bag, which allows me to put them over my shoulder rather than carry them in my hand. Other than that, I just pile everything on and plod down the stairs. I've been considering putting the critter in the Bjorn carrier to avoid having the heavy critter/carseat combo to carry, but having to deal with getting him in and out of the Bjorn and then strap him into the carseat seems like more trouble than it is worth.

I've typically liked living on a 3rd floor for security, privacy, and quiet (no upstairs neighbors) reasons, but I'm beginning to wish we lived a bit lower!

First Day Back at Work

2009-06-01T15:59:00.004-05:00

I am coming to the end of my first day back at work. Emotionally, I was generally okay. It's actually nice not to be in constant childcare mode. I do think, however, that the cumulative effect of a full week, a full month will get to me. A friend pointed out that using generally accepted bedtime guidance, we'll only have a few hours with our kids when we get home from work. The majority of the critter's waking hours will be spent with the day care ladies, not with me. That is what makes me sad. He changes so much each day, and I hate to miss it.

At least I had 12 weeks at home. Many people aren't able to even have that.

As for my working day, it was mostly the administrative and catching up stuff that needs to occur after being away for 3 months. As a result, the most significant parts of my day were

selecting a critter picture to put on my computer desktop (A framed pic for my actual desktop will be forthcoming as well.);
setting my screensaver to be a random slide show of critter pics; and
pumping milk 3 times.

As for that last one, I pumped a total of about 8 ounces. Based on two daycare trial runs last week (a half day and a full day), the critter eats almost 16 ounces during the day. No wonder he was so hungry when I tried to just breastfeed him. Mama can only give him half of what he needs! And that's even on the domperidone! Well, at least I know he'll be eating enough now, even if a lot of it is formula. The important thing is that he can be a growing boy!

Does that make me a leader?

2009-05-29T16:56:00.003-05:00

So, I'm experimenting with adding the "Followers" gadget to my blog. It's there on the right. If you click on it, you can follow my blog more easily, and make me feel loved. ;-)

Anyway, I think you just need a Google (such as for gmail) and not actually a blogger account. Let me know if I'm wrong about that.

Trial Run

2009-05-28T08:49:00.004-05:00

Today was our first trial run of bringing the critter to day care. I wanted a trial run to sort out morning rituals as well as to deal with separation anxiety.

I'm doing okay emotionally, probably because I have actually been away from the critter before. It is weird, however, to be in the house alone. I'm pretty sure I haven't done that since going into labor. I keep looking at the bouncy seat as I pass because I feel that someone should be in it.

I'm just leaving him at day care for a half day today. I'll be going to yoga at 9:30. I'll come back, shower, and have lunch before getting him.

The first thing I did after dropping him off was start trying on work clothes. Sadly, since I really haven't lost any weight (other than the initial stuff) since being pregnant I'm still going to be stuck in mostly pregnancy clothes for a while, at least from the waist down.

The trying on process really points out how messed up women's sizing is. I have a size 4 suit jacket that fits except for the top button (acceptable), but I have a size 10 jacket that is tight all over. Of course the fact that I have a size 4 jacket and a size 10 jacket (as well as others in between) is further evidence of how irregular the sizes are. It's pretty much the same with baby clothes. 0-3 months is a big range. At least I squirm less when I'm trying on my clothes.

Anyway, it is time to start eating better again. I did so well before the wedding, but I went crazy when I was pregnant. It's time to go back to what I was doing before.

On the Road Trip

2009-05-27T16:43:00.001-05:00

Changing Travel Preferences

2009-05-27T16:41:00.001-05:00

There are some differences when traveling with an infant:

Before, I was a stairs person. Now, I am often an elevator person because I have a critter in a stroller.

Before, I liked the aisle seat. Now, I like the window since it is easier to breast feed discretely. Of course, that's only when traveling with a lap critter. When he has his own ticket, I'll suddenly become a middle seat person since the car seat will go by the window.

Before, if it was 5 PM and there were only 300 miles left on a 14+ hour road trip I would push through to get home. Now, we stop, so that critter and parents can relax after the long day. In fact, we should have stopped an hour earlier. As we drew near our decided stopping place we were delayed by a poopy diaper blowout. The complimentary cocktails at the hotel were well appreciated!

In other news, on the drive home we were even more efficient than the earlier leg of the journey. Pumping and then reaching back to feed critter milk from the bottle while driving became the norm. We only needed to stop for burping, diaper changes, and brief parent rest breaks.

Glad to be home, but I returned to a long to do list. There is a lot to do before I go back to work on Monday. 12 weeks have flown by. I'm going to miss my days with the little guy. :-(

Travels with Baby

2009-05-20T20:57:00.002-05:00

The critter is 10 weeks old now. Since I needed to use all my vacation time as a part of my maternity leave, we decided to go on a trip before I go back to work.

Going through the security checkpoint at the airport felt a bit chaotic with the baby and all the gear, particularly for seasoned travelers who generally pride ourselves in our efficiency at that. Once we were through security the air travel was good. I did a last minute change in the most secluded seat I could find at our gate. Prior to the trip I had gotten one of those nursing covers. It's like a poncho with a wide neck, so I can see what's going on in there. With that and a well-selected shirt the feeding "in public" wasn't an issue at all.

The flight was sold out, so we had to have a lap critter since we didn't pay for a third seat. We gate checked the car seat and its stroller. Critter slept for most of the flight. He woke up a bit hungry, and I fed him for the rest of the flight.

The first part of our trip was in DC to see family and friends and pick up hubby's old Jeep. Becoming a pro at public nursing, I even fed the critter in a restaurant while everyone was hanging out and finishing a pitcher of margaritas. I did, however, wimp out of feeding him on the National Mall after just changing his diaper at the WWII memorial attracted gawkers and strange comments. Instead, we pulled the car into what we new would be a fairly secluded parking lot on our way back to where we were staying, and I fed him in the backseat.

The drive to Savannah was a little more difficult. Although critter generally sleeps in the car, he was not ready to sleep ALL DAY in the car. After the first feeding/changing pit stop he started to be more alert and fussy even when the vehicle was in motion. I spent a lot of time reaching into the back seat and putting his pacifier in his mouth. On one leg of the drive I even sat with him. I held his hands and he fell asleep.

To maximize our feeding efficiency on the road I would pump while hubby was driving. (We have an inverter that turns the cigarette lighter into a regular plug.) Then, we would feed him from the bottle when we stopped, usually multitasking our own bathroom/food/gasoline breaks. As usual, he would also get formula when the breast milk was not enough.

I had estimated the need to stop, on average, 30 minutes for every 2 hours of driving, which proved to be quite accurate. We completed what Google maps called a 9 hour trip in a little under 12 hours.

On the drive the next day there was a detour because of an accident. Of course the baby woke up at that point and was hungry. It didn't help that the slow moving traffic wasn't as comforting to him as faster highway driving. I reclined my seat enough to feed him a bottle while he was in the car seat. I put a bib on him thinking this would create a big mess, but it worked surprisingly well. I guess I shouldn't be surprised since they say to hold a baby at a 45 degree angle when feeding him from a bottle and that happens to be the exact same angle of a properly installed infant car seat.

Today, critter got to meet his great-grandma, which was the primary motivator for this trip. It made her very happy to meet him, although it would have been nice if grandpa could have met him as well. Critter won't remember it, but we have pictures.

We are on the way to having a seasoned traveler. By the end of the year he will have already been in or through at least 10 states and the District of Columbia.

To feed or not to feed

2009-05-14T08:37:00.003-05:00

So we had problems with the critter not getting enough to eat. We added more formula after breastfeeding. Then we had problems with the critter getting acid reflux because he was eating to much. We cut back on formula after breastfeeding. His last weigh in was 9 lbs 13 ounces. He only gained 5 ounces in 2 weeks, which is back to the low side. Although our pediatrician is not worried about the critter only being in the 10th percentile ("He's just a little guy."), I find myself constantly confused about what to do. Is that bit of fussiness because he is hungry or overstuffed? Put him back on the breast, give him a bottle, burp him more, or just keep him upright? It's frustrating not to know. I just want to do the best for my son. I neither want to cause him to be underweight, overweight or discomforted. I try to read him as best I can, but I am still never sure if I am doing the right thing.

Over Eating!

2009-04-28T12:18:00.002-05:00

Not only is the critter gaining weight, but now we find that by continuing to regularly supplement breastfeeding with formula, he is actually being over fed! In the past week or so, we noticed increased farting, spitting up, and wheezing. The lactation consultant said this is acid reflux due to overfeeding. Last night I just breastfed him, rather than following up with formula, and he slept much better...not quite "through the night" yet, but pretty good.

Despite being force fed by his folks, the critter is not fatso. At 9 pounds 8 ounces he is still around the 18th percentile for both length and weight. No wonder it is difficult to find stuff that fits him; the industry is catering to that other 82 percent of babies!

Baby talk

2009-04-19T11:31:00.002-05:00

Some words that I use much more since becoming a mother

fussy
poop/poopy
tummy (time)
nipple (both mine and the ones for the bottles)
boob
nap
onesie
bjorn
lactation
mommy
daddy
help

Fat critter!

2009-04-14T13:02:00.002-05:00

Critter is finally gaining weight. He returned to his birth weight (7 lbs 11 oz) last Tuesday. That was a gain of 3 ounces in a week, which we continued pretty good. Then...this Monday he weighed in at 8 lbs 6 oz! Granted that's probably slightly overstated since he peed immediately after, but it is definitely a prominent gain. Hopefully we are now on the road to having a growing boy. Hopefully, though, we are not on the road to childhood obesity.

I'm taking 11 domperidone pills a day. As someone who usually doesn't take any pills this is a crazy lifestyle change. But it worked. My milk is in strong now. (Although we still supplement with the occasional ounce or two of formula, most of that 11 ounce growth spurt is from the mommy's milk.) I'll have to take the pills for the duration of my breastfeeding. We'll see how long that will be. I'd like to do it as long as I can, but I know that it will be hard when I return to work. We'll see what ends up working for me and my critter. For now, I'm happy for the time with my boy.

Shh. He's asleep in my lap. ;-)

Random Mommy Thoughts

2009-04-03T20:06:00.002-05:00

Things I've learned about motherhood in less than 4 weeks:

Being a mom means less sleep and more laundry.

Finding time to shower can be enough of an accomplishment for the day.

Days are long, but weeks are short. (I can't believe my critter is almost 4 weeks old!)

It is important to have foods that you can eat with one hand.

It's amazing how much pee and poop a little guy can generate.

Breastfeeding is hard; breastfeeding is wonderful.

Holding my baby when he is peaceful is the best reward.

Boob Juice

2009-03-30T14:13:00.002-05:00

Breastfeeding is the most rewarding and most challenging thing I've ever done.

When I am feeding my son and he looks up at me he truly feels like he is mine. At other times it is hard to believe that this beautiful boy is someone that my husband and I made, but when I hold him and feed him I feel so much like his mother. When he is done and contented and curls up against me it is pure bliss.

On the other hand, there is the feeling that I am always feeding. Each feeding lasts about an hour. During the day, he eats every 2-3 hours. That time is measured from the beginning of the last feeding, which means I often only have an hour before I feed him again. That is exhausting. And, of course, there is the lack of sleep from night feedings. I am told that over time the duration and frequency of feedings decreases, and I can't say that doesn't sound nice.

But we have had bigger challenges than exhaustion. Both the critter and I have struggled with the process. In the hospital, the nurses commented on how well we breastfed. This is because my son had a perfect latch (mouth position on the breast). Bad latch is a common breastfeeding problem. Unfortunately, what they didn't notice was that even though he looked like the poster boy for breastfeeding technique, he was not actually drinking deeply. At our pediatrician appointment 2 days after being discharged from the hospital he had lost more weight than babies usually do. We started working with a lactation consultant.

The lactation consultant taught me how to encourage the baby to take big gulps and taught my husband how to assist me at that. This helped...somewhat. A few days later the critter's weight was up but only by a third of an ounce. At least he wasn't losing.

I was started taking fenugreek and pumping for 10 minutes after each feeding. Still, the critter didn't gain anything by the next appointment. Or the appointment after that.

We started providing an ounce of formula after each feeding to supplement his nutrition. I also started taking a drug called domperidone to stimulate my milk production.

Taking the domperidone was a big decision for me. I was raised by a nurse and a pharmacist, and I have no problem with medicine. However, I also don't believe in taking anything unnecessarily. I have always taken that approach with my own health, but I feel even more strongly about that for my baby. That is why having a natural birth was important to me. Breastfeeding was important to me because it is the more natural option. So it was difficult for me to have to take pills in order to go the "natural" route. Still, continuing with the use of formula would likely mean my milk supply would decrease until it was gone. And I wasn't ready to give up on breastfeeding yet (for reasons see the beginning of this post).

At his last check up the critter gained 3 ounces. That met our ounce a day goal. He has another appointment tomorrow. I am hoping to see continued progress.

I know that formula feeding is not failure. I've even read the article in this month's Atlantic about how there isn't really evidence to back up the hype of "breast is best." Still, I hope I'm not just being stubborn in my commitment to breastfeeding. It is something I want to do for my baby, and I'll be sad if I have to give up on it.

Our critter

2009-03-25T18:24:00.003-05:00

Recent Events

2009-03-22T19:23:00.002-05:00

It's been a busy and eventful time. Too busy to post.

We moved in mid-February. It was only a block but still required the whole packing and unpacking thing.

Meanwhile, I was keeping very busy at work, trying to get my projects wrapped up before the baby was born.

During the first week of March we were in a car accident. No one was hurt, but the car is not drivable.

During the second week of March my son was born, 10 days before his due date. He was 7 lbs, 11 ounces and 21.25 inches long.

We still aren't completely unpacked. Not all my work projects were completed. We still don't have a car. And I need to sleep. But we have a beautiful boy, who I still can barely fathom is mine.

I am happy.

Gross Misuses of Power

2009-02-13T16:33:00.002-06:00

It wasn't so long ago that graphic design was done by a professional with a lightboard (or, at very least, a complex piece of software that required specialized training). Now, just about anyone can publish newsletters and make flyers, and the result is often ugly/unreadable/terrifying. The same goes with web page design.

Similarly the results of amateur dabbling with Microsoft Access create problems for years after the "developer" has left since the system may still be in use. There is a definite art and science to good database design that will allow you to easily expand the systems scope and create reports to answer just about anything relevant to the data. On the other hand, bad database design results in a system that is difficult to maintain, limited in functionality, confusing to document, and will require months of conversion effort before back data can be moved to a better system.

Today, I'm trying to document a horrible Access database, and it is maddening.

Goodbye, Grandpa O

2009-02-11T09:15:00.001-06:00

My grandfather died on Friday night. My mom called Saturday morning. His death was sudden insofar that he wasn’t ill. On the other hand, he was 91 (a few months from 92) and had grown noticeably weaker when I saw him at Christmas, so death was not outside the realm of possibilities.

He died in his sleep, which is all any of us can hope for ourselves.

The funeral is today. I won’t be there. I always thought I would be there for his funeral, but I never anticipated him dying when I was 35 weeks pregnant and moving in 4 days. The logistics of travel just seem like too much right now. Still, I worry that not being there will mean I have a hard time grasping that he’s really gone.

At least I was able to spend time with him and my grandmother at Christmas. My husband was able to meet him on several occasions. I had, of course, been hoping that he would be able to meet his new great-grandson, but I knew those visits would be few and my son would be too young to remember them.

My grandfather was an extraordinary man. He served in the Air Force, including flying in combat during WWII. He was a professional photographer in a small town, and there are many people for whom he took senior photos then their wedding photos then their children’s senior photos then their children’s wedding photos. Perhaps the most amazing thing is that he was happily married to my grandmother for over 70 years.

To all the emotions of being pregnant and setting up a new home sadness has been added. I pack a box, have a crying jag, and go on.

I will miss you, Grandpa.

Trust 2.0

2009-02-10T09:36:00.005-06:00

The pre-commercialized and non-web-enabled Internet was a trusted environment. The sys admins knew each other. If they saw a problem coming from a particular address space they knew who to call.

Because everyone was trusted there were few security controls built in to the architecture. Most of us don't lock the doors inside our home because we trust the people inside. Same thing. That's why the original Internet Worm (the Morris Worm) in 1988 was so devastating. And that's why we still have problems today.

Here's a fairly non-technical example of the technical security problems of the Internet. To send email you used to have to type who it was to, who it was from, and the message. Note that you TYPED who the message is from. In a trusted environment it was assumed that no one would lie about who they were. This is the exact same protocol that goes on behind the scenes in our fancy email applications and online services. This is why spammers can make their emails look they they come from a variety of fake addresses. This is why many viruses would hijack people's address book, so that their malicious message looked like they came from friends.

There are a multitude of problems like the email protocol. The Internet generally believes what it is told about what something is and where it is from. This creates problems when untrusted people enter into a trusted space. We try to layer on protections like anti-virus software and site analysis tools, but the underlying architecture remains open.

Enter Web 2.0. As pointed out by many including this recent CSO Online article social networking sites have the added danger of providing very powerful capabilities to non-techies. And they continue to be environments of trust.

The ability to post and share files (including pictures and applications) used to require programming, but now everyone can do it. Although Facebook users may invoke their privacy settings they are still in a largely trusted environment as there is little authentication for "friends." This combination of power to those who may not understand and lack of authentication allow for a multitude of threats.

First, actual friends may unknowingly open you up to threats. They may link to some malicious code (possibly found one of their "friend's" sites) that will steal your personal information or provide access to your employer's network. They may (with or without malice) post personal information about your or pictures that will haunt you later.

Lack of authentication means that someone who is not actually your friend can do the above, too. Additionally, if you friend a faker you have given them access to data that you considered private. Why did you friend that person? Perhaps they were a friend of a friend.

I admit that I use some of the Web 2.0 tools. And I blog, so I'm obviously not the most hardcore of privacy geeks. Security and privacy are always trade-offs for other things, such as convenience and functionality. Sometimes I decide it is worth it to make the trade. But I do so knowing that a trade is being made. Many people don't think about that part. And they get in trouble.

Whenever you post anything or click on anything or believe anything on the Internet consider who you are trusting. Since it is essentially impossible to delete anything from the Internet, the answer is usually that you are trusting everyone for all time. Privacy settings may temporarily limit the sphere of trust, but it should be assumed that those limits will eventually erode.

Who do you really trust?

UPDATE: For an example of how Trust in Real Life can create technical vulnerabilities. Check out this social engineering example that uses someone's MySpace/Twitter updates, a cheap shirt, a USB drive, and cookies to hack a network.

Super Weekend

2009-02-05T15:49:00.000-06:00

I’ve been meaning to make this post but between work projects during the day and moving prep at night it’s been a busy week. I’m still not going to be able to do this all justice, but…

Last weekend was great.

On Saturday afternoon, some friends threw me a baby shower. It was a Kimmy Z in Wonderland themed Mad Tea Party. It was a nice sized group. We ate and talked. Then I opened fabulous presents for the critter.

On Saturday night, hubby and I went to see the Heartless Bastards (and a fabulous opening band, The Subjects). It was fun to be able to go to another concert together since soon that will be a luxury. (Now, we complain about high Ticketmaster fees, but those will look like nothing compared to the cost of a babysitter!)

Sunday was, of course, the Super Bowl. I cheered, and I yelled. It was an exciting game, and the Steelers prevailed bringing me to tears. Go Steelers!

A great weekend.

This weekend is all about packing and starting to move. It won’t be anywhere near as fun, but it has to be done.

It's Official: I'm too big

2009-01-30T08:59:00.000-06:00

I’d known it was coming, and I’d been dreading it. The Talk. The Talk in which my midwife would tell me that I’d gained too much weight. I got it this morning. The timing particularly stung since yesterday was a particularly gluttonous day ending with me crying in bed about how big I’d allowed myself to get. It stung to hear that I was not exaggerating.

At my first appointment I was told that I should gain 25-35 pounds over the course of the pregnancy. At 33 weeks I have already gained more than 40. I had seen the weight gain edging up ahead of schedule for a while, but it was easy to ignore when nobody official said anything about. Now it is for real. Now it is in my permanent (health) record.

I’ve been doing some good things, but I’ve been doing some bad things as well. Although I’ve done healthy things like ramp up my vegetables, I’ve also ramped up everything else. I do 90 minute Bikram sessions 2-3 times per week, but I don’t do much else in the way of exercise.

The timing of my pregnancy hasn’t helped me. The onset of winter has greatly decreased the frequency and duration of my lunchtime walks. And then there were the holidays. I gained 12 pounds from Thanksgiving to New Year’s.

The good news is that I am not yet showing the negative side effects of excessive weight gain. My blood pressure is good (even a bit to the low side). I don’t have gestational (or any other form of) diabetes. Still, I know that extra weight gain tends to mean extra baby weight gain. Bigger baby often leads to the need for more interventions. I’ve been looking forward to a natural birth. I know that cannot be guaranteed for a number of reasons, but I’s hate to have that the reason that plan changes be that I view every box of donuts brought into work as an invitation to have 3.

So now I need to get serious. I need to be strong and turn away from sweets. I need to get back on the VersaClimber (which will be scary since even the stairs to our apartment are challenging now). I need to keep doing Bikram and try for at least 3 times a week.

I can do this. I was strong when I lost weight for my wedding (which I did through healthier eating and exercise—not starving myself). I know how to treat my body better than I have been. I need to do that again. Growing this critter is the most important thing my body has ever done, and I want to do it right.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

2009-01-29T11:24:00.000-06:00

We’re moving.

Almost two years ago we changed jobs, got engaged, and moved halfway across the country within about a month. We somehow survived to joke about how crazy it all was, but now we are doing something similarly insane.

We are moving less than 5 weeks before my due date.

We needed a bigger apartment to house both our stuff and the influx of baby accoutrement, but our lease wasn’t going to be up until May. We figured a couple months of cramped living would be fine, particularly at a time when the baby isn’t crawling. Still, last fall we told our landlord that we wouldn’t be renewing the lease in our current place but that he should let us know if he had anything larger opening up. (We really like our landlord, and we knew he owned several other buildings in the area.)

Well, a couple of weeks ago he invited us to see an apartment that was opening up because the tenants are moving to Seattle. It was pretty much just what we needed. He wasn’t sure when the tenants would be leaving, so he said he’d get back to us on that. It turned out that they would be out by January 31.

Our landlord is willing to be flexible on our move date, but we decided that sooner is better than later. This way we will be fairly settled for when the baby arrives. (He’ll even have a real nursery!) Still, we only have a few weeks to orchestrate the move during a time that is already busy.

The hardest thing about this move is not the tight timeline, it’s accepting my own limits. I am typically prideful and stubborn in my independence. I am learning to ask for help from husband, but I’m still generally uncomfortable asking for help from other people. Under normal circumstances I would pack and move boxes myself; I would carry things up and down the stairs. But I’m not supposed to lift more that 25 lbs. And I can barely carry myself up and down the stairs. Although I will contribute to the packing and unpacking, the actual move will force me to do little else than point to where things should go.

All the baby books emphasize letting people do things for you. I guess this move will be practice for that.

Double Picture Meme

2009-01-20T19:13:00.004-06:00

Red Pen Mama and JayCee each tagged me with similar challenges.

RPM's meme had these instructions
1. Go to the fourth picture folder on your computer.
2. Post the fourth picture in that folder.
3. Explain the picture.
4. Tag four more people.
JC's meme was the same thing with the 6th of 6th. So here they both go.

My 4th folder was labeled MSISPM after my degree program at Carnegie Mellon. The 4th picture was

We were the inaugural year of our program. There were 12 of us. Two of us were girls, but the other girl took different classes than the rest of us, didn't use the study lab with the rest of us, and never went out socially with the rest of us. As a result, I was generally thought of as the token girl, so most of the time it was me and a bunch of guys. This picture is one of many nights out. (And, in case you were wondering, the other guys had only recently explained to Pete what the "shocker" is and from that point on he would frequently make the gesture and yell "Shock and Awe!")

My 6th folder was labeled Sale because it was pictures of items I was selling on Craigslist before I left Pittsburgh. The 6th picture was

For my last 6 years in Pittsburgh, I lived in an amazing loft in condominium on the South Side. It was in an old school house. It had high ceilings, huge windows, and tons of character. I loved that space. When I saw this sofa shortly after moving in I knew it was perfect. At the time it cost more than my take home pay in a month, but it was too perfect to pass up. The oversized nature of the sofa (approximately 4' deep and 7' long) made it great for an open-plan loft but meant it did not have a chance of fitting in my one bedroom apartment in Arlington, VA. I had to get rid of it before moving. It didn't sell from my ad, but my friend Steve ended up buying it. Later he used it as a set piece when he directed a play I wrote.

Okay, from both of those I'm supposed to tag 10 people! However, I think that anyone who would do a meme already has done one of these, so I'm going to break the rules and not tag. If anyone wants to join the fun, please do.

Hips Don't Fail Me Now

2009-01-19T08:56:00.003-06:00

My hips hurt. I started noticing it on Friday night. I figured it was a momentary strain. But my hips still hurt on Saturday. I decided it might be the fact that I had used the VersaClimber on Thursday for the first time in a while. Or, perhaps, it was the fact that I hadn’t been to Bikram since Tuesday.

I made sure to go to Bikram on Sunday morning in hopes of alleviating the soreness in my hips. I certainly felt good (as always) doing yoga, and I felt good for the rest of the day. But today I woke up with sore hips again.

It probably didn’t help that I spent a lot of time sitting on the floor playing the new Raving Rabbids game for the Wii, and then contorted through a variety of stress positions as I nervously watched the AFC Championship Game. (Go Steelers!)

Perhaps it is a sleep position thing. I do sleep with a Snoogle, which is a C shaped pillow designed for pregnant women. One part tucks under my head, another part wraps around my belly, and another part goes between my legs. I mostly got it because I was often a stomach sleeper, and I figured that this would help prevent me from crushing the critter. Now, I think that perhaps I should add another pillow between my legs to help keep my hips level. I guess I’ll try that tonight.

It wouldn’t surprise me to feel some discomfort. My body is currently hauling around almost 40 more points than it was last summer (although only 20 more pounds than it was a year ago). Still, I had been enjoying being largely discomfort free to date. Despite having a history of back problems, I haven’t had back pain. This hip thing is the first problem that couldn’t be fixed by changing positions. I know I should consider myself lucky since many women have pain and problems throughout pregnancy, but I’m just hoping that I’m not going to feel this way for another 8 weeks.

I will continue to do my Bikram 2-3 times a week in hopes that will help. At minimum, it helps when I’m doing it. Plus, 90 minutes in a 105 degree room is a nice break from the Chicago winter.

(Technically my right knee should be directly over my right ankle. Was this picture a presager to my hip issues?)

Never thought that would happen

2009-01-12T13:10:00.002-06:00

I was so impressed with Jerome Bettis when he first came to the Steelers that I bought a #36 jersey by his 3rd regular season game. By the end of his career you could get a Bettis jersey anywhere in Pittsburgh and in many other cities as well. At the time, however, I had to go to at least 5 stores before I found one and even then it was a Wilson rather than an "official" NFL item. I take a lot of pride in my 1996 jersey when I see people in Bettis jerseys from far later in his Steelers tenure. I take pride in knowing he was awesome from the start.

I bought the jersey oversized because that's what I liked at the time. Had I bought it a few years later I would have chosen a size that fit me more appropriately, but I wasn't going to replace it (see note on pride above). When I became pregnant in the summer, knowing I would be growing throughout football season, the large nature of the jersey became a benefit.

I joked that my Bettis jersey would be one of the few articles of my "regular" clothes that I'd still be able to wear. Even before I knew I was pregnant I had written a play in which a pregnant woman goes into labor during Super Bowl XL and is admitted to the hospital in her Bettis jersey. But yesterday, when dressing to go to a friend's house for a doube-feature of Pennsylvania football, the unthinkable happened...

My Bettis jersey was snug around my belly!

Since it was chilly out I was a wearing a black thermal under the jersey, but it wasn't that bulky. I'm just too big for my too big jersey.

Luckily, a couple of years ago a friend gave me a Polamalu jersey that I rarely wear because it was even more ridiculously huge on me than the Bettis jersey. Until now.

The Polamalu jersey did well for me yesterday, and it will be what I wear for what is guaranteed to be an incredibly tense AFC championship against our hated, division-rivals the Baltimore "Birdies." Hears hoping that I need it for the Super Bowl as well.

And yes, I do say the "Here we go, Steelers. Here we go!" chant and then tap on my belly twice. The boy has to learn.

Well-Rounded

2009-01-09T16:11:00.002-06:00

In the last week or so I have started to feel big. Before that I had an increasingly round belly, but I mostly felt the same. Now, there is a definite waddling-aspect to my walk, and I can feel gravity tugging down on my belly. Climbing the stairs to our 3rd floor walk-up has become an endurance challenge. This morning I looked at my belly as I got out of the shower and couldn’t help but think of Rodin’s Naked Balzac. (Luckily, the resemblance is in belly only.)

I have gained 35 pounds since getting pregnant. I was told to gain 25-35 pounds, so since I have another 10 weeks to go, so I am definitely going to end up an overachiever. Woo-hoo! (It didn't help being pregnant over the holidays when opportunities to work out were few yet opportunities to eat sugary and high-fat foods were many.)

We had another ultrasound this morning. The tech said the critter is measuring big. I’ve read that 3rd trimester ultrasounds aren’t the most accurate measures, but I’ll be anxious to hear what my midwife says about the results. On the one hand, it would be nice to meet the critter sooner as well as to have a couple fewer weeks of discomfort. On the other hand…Ack, less time to get ready! Of course, there is always the possibility that he'll wait until closer to the original date but be HUGE. Thank goodness for yoga!

I guess only time will tell for sure when this little (big?) guy decides to come out and meet us and how big I’ll get before that happens.

Hello from the critter

2009-01-07T15:39:00.001-06:00

It can be very comforting at the end of a hectic day to feel someone kicking around in your belly.

Let the nesting begin!

2009-01-05T12:47:00.003-06:00

So a couple of the predicted elements of the third trimester have already become facts of life: nesting instincts and heartburn. The former is excessively more fun than the later, so let's focus on that.

On Saturday, hubby (aka big, strong man) moved our VersaClimber to the living room. I am not a fan of exercise equipment in the main areas of the home, but we need to make space somewhere until we move to a 3 bedroom apartment in May. It was either the VersaClimber in the living room or stacks of diapers in the living room. Of those options, the VersaClimber is more aesthetically pleasing, and I can watch TV while I work out.

On Sunday, I bought 2 4-drawer plastic organizers (on sale at Target!) and placed them in the VersaClimber's previous space in the den/office. I placed all the 0-3 clothes into drawers by type (hats & socks, tops & onesies, bottoms, and pajamas). We are well stocked on those sizes, so the drawers are satisfyingly full. I left the larger sizes of clothes boxed up, ready to be rotated in whenever the critter grows out of the little stuff (which, as I understand it, could be almost immediately or after multiple months).

I also started drawers for light and heavy blankets. There are two more drawers with uses that are currently TBD contingent on what I want stored there versus elsewhere.

Commence the label making! I got out the label maker and labeled each of the assigned drawers based on its contents. I stare at my little tower of achievement with great pride and anticipation.

What I'd really like to do now is start acquiring our essential gear items, so that I can stare at them obsessively rather than just staring at pictures on my registries obsessively. But I hold back. It seems smart to wait until after the baby shower to see what I might receive as gifts. Plus, there are other preparations I should do first: donate stuff I don't need, pack up stuff I won't need until after the move. Those preparations will make more room for gear!

So I guess I'll be focused on packing and sorting for the next few weeks. It's not as fun as shopping, but it must be done.

It's 10 weeks and 2 days before my due date. For anything else 10 weeks would seem like a long time, but for critter preparations it seems quite soon.

2008: Year in Review (and a glance ahead)

2008-12-31T18:21:00.004-06:00

Well, this year included more big personal milestones. 2007 included moving halfway across the country, changing jobs, and getting engaged. In 2008, I got married and then (surprisingly promptly) got pregnant. I also changed my name, although that change is still trickling through to certain credit cards and memberships.

Planning a wedding and preparing for a baby did cut into my playwriting activities, but I still had some achievements. 3 monologues and a one-act premiered in Pittsburgh. A one-act was produced in Maryland. I had my first Chicago productions, first a reading then a production of my first Christmas play. Although no full-lengths were produced this year, I did complete a draft of a new full-length, which received a developmental reading at Chicago Dramatists in November.

There was some travel this year. We went to St. Johns for our honeymoon, which was spectacular. We visited friends and family in Georgia, Colorado, and Pennsylvania. We also spent a babymoon weekend in New York City.

Body and health wise I lost 20 pounds before the wedding. Although I'd been that thin before I had never been so healthy. I felt great! After the wedding, I finally fulfilled a promise to a friend to try Bikram Yoga, and I loved it. I still do it about twice a week. Of course, the pre-wedding weightloss came back plus more with the baby, but that's what happens. Having lost it once I'm sure I'll be able to take care of it after the baby is born.

There was some luxury this year, in addition to splurging on an amazing resort for the honeymoon. Although hubby (thankfully) doesn't travel much for work anymore, he still had plenty of hotel and airline points. Hilton points allowed us to stay at the Drake Hotel in Chicago on our wedding night and at the Waldorf-Astoria in NYC for our babymoon. Both stays were paid for by points only, which was excitingly decadent.

So what will 2009 have in store? Well, the main thing will be the birth of this critter and the beginning of what hubby calls "the crittaceous period." I am pretty sure that much of the year (and much of the future in general) will revolve around him. I do plan to make time for myself, but I'm being realistic. I likely won't be able to do as much writing, but I will try to send out existing plays. (A one-act is already scheduled to be produced in Massachusetts in January.) Perhaps I may even have some time to continue developing the new full-length. But this year's uber-list is likely to be a bit short. Until I have some time under my belt as a mother (Wow, it's been a few months since I've been able to wear a belt!), I don't want to make promises to myself that I can't keep. My main goal is to give birth to a healthy baby boy, and I'll see where to go from there!

Happy New Year! Now, I need to soak my black-eyed peas before heading out for the evening...

Coming Soon

2008-12-30T14:54:00.003-06:00

11 weeks until the critter is due. Scary. For so long his arrival seemed very far off, but now it seems soon. Very soon.

We have no baby infrastructure! Sure, family and friends have started to send clothes and toys and some other small items, but we are generally not ready for a baby. We have no car seat. We have nowhere for crit to sleep. We have no DIAPERS!

After tomorrow night, the hectic holiday season will be over, and we can begin hectic baby prep season. There will be shopping trips. There will be home reorganization and packing. There will be birthing classes and infant care classes and breastfeeding classes. There will be midwife appointments every two weeks (at least). There will be many questions and forms (for the hospital, for our insurance, for my leave at work). We need to find a pediatrician.

There will be fun things like my baby shower and the continued goodness of Bikram yoga, but these too will help ensure that the weeks fly by.

Soon this critter knocking around inside my belly will be a little person of the world. Oh, I'm not afraid of having to take care of him. I'm afraid of missing something important from my to do list.

The Ups and Downs of My Christmas Journey

2008-12-29T09:54:00.004-06:00

It was snowing in Chicago the Tuesday before Christmas. It was snowing a lot. My husband, and I had a leisurely breakfast and finished packing before the adventure began.

Hubby broke two ice scrapers trying to prepare the car for the trip to the airport. (We hadn't moved the car for several days and each of those days involved snow, ice, and subzero windchill, resulting in quite a wintry armor.) He managed to create a relatively safe level of visibility before we headed out. The roads were not yet plowed, even the major ones, making our drive to the airport much longer than expected. For once it was nice to receive the update from the airline that our plane was delayed. We wouldn't have made it otherwise.

When we arrived at long term parking it was also snowed over. Spaces without cars in them were filled with piles of snow and ruts of ice. We worked our way in to a spot hoping we'd be able to get back out when we returned.

On the train to the terminal we got the message: Our flight was cancelled. At the terminal we joined the others in a very long line at customer service. Meanwhile, hubby was on the phone with the airline as well. After 2 and 1/2 hours on hold (and still standing in line), he got a fuzzy connection to a real human being, albeit on the other side of the world. We were confirmed for flights the next day (Christmas Eve), but we were confirmed on separate flights. (A detail that the phone person didn't even bother to mention until hubby specifically thought to ask about my reservation when the conversation seemed geared toward one person.)

Although we were happy to have confirmed flights, we were not happy about being separated. We were scheduled to arrive 6 hours apart, and that's if we both managed to get their without our flights being cancelled. I couldn't help but cry as I began to dread the thought of ending up in separate cities for Christmas. (Plus, if the earlier flight made it and mine did not, my husband would be alone with my family, which would likely be awkward.)

We decided to continue to wait in the line (We were getting so close!) to see if there was any way to get on the same flight even if it meant adding legs to what had been a direct flight. We were told that there was nothing to do other than come in the morning and put me on the stand by list and hope.

We were, however, given a coupon for discounted hotel stays (after being told that the airline won't pay for hotel rooms related to weather delays). We decided to spend the money rather than drive home. The roads were still awful; we may or may not have been able to pull out of our parking space; we'd have to ready the car without a working ice scraper; and we'd just have to do it again in the morning. So we caught the shuttle to the hotel. We bought an overpriced dinner. But we were together. At least for that night.

We didn't sleep well, likely a combination of the worry about the next day's logistics, the less than premium bed, and the sound of planes flying overhead. We got up extra early and went to the airport.

We each checked in at the kiosks and added me to the waitlist for the earlier flight. Then we went to customer service to see if hubby could use his *status* to move me up in the list. I am glad that hubby doesn't travel for work anymore, but it will be sad when his elevated *status* with the airlines disappears. We will have to go back to using the regular security lines and boarding after the half the plane has. Sadness. However, in this case, there was nothing he could do. We were told that I was number 14 in the waitlist. The lady at the desk said that was pretty good, at least better than number 47 (the total number on the list).

So we waited by in the gate area. I watched the monitor for waitlist updates. By the time we were nearing the scheduled boarding time I was up to number 3. At least that would give me a good position for the waitlist on the following flight (which would still get me there earlier than my scheduled flight). Still, I didn't want to be separated from my husband.

The two names in front of me were called. Then a pause. So close! Then they called me. I rushed to desk lest they change their mind. I now had a boarding pass. I would be on the same plane as my husband. That is if a plane arrived. It was past boarding time and the jetway was connected to an empty space. But then a plane arrived. We might get there after all.

Then, they called my hubby to the desk. Uh-oh? No. His *status* got him upgraded to first class. And, my sweet and loving husband, told me we would trade seats. My enlarged and tired pregnant body would get the extra space. I love him so much.

We boarded. Hubby went to the back, to my cramped middle coach seat. I stayed up front...but someone was in my seat. We verified on our ticket stubs. We were both assigned that seat. We handed the stubs to the flight attendant, and I began to worry that I would not be on the flight after all, much less first class. But the man in the seat told the FA that he didn't mind giving up the seat as long as there was a seat for him on the plane. They found a coach seat and he moved. This stranger did not make a fuss. He just volunteered to move. Whether it was because I'm pregnant or because it was Christmas or because he just wanted to get moving on one of the busiest travel days of the year, he volunteered to move. Gentlemen exist (see, also, prior paragraph about husband).

So I got to ride in first class. Of course, one of the perqs of first class is free booze, which is not very useful to me at this time. I asked a flight attendant to send my free drinks back to the two gentlemen who facilitated my being able to sit there: my husband and the stranger.

Just about 24 hours later than originally planned, my husband and I TOGETHER arrived at our destination. In time for Christmas. We stayed up late that night to open gifts after my parents returned from Midnight Mass (a tradition). There were gifts for those fully present and some for the critter. We spent time visiting my parents and grandparents. We ate a lot. It was a nice few days.

Our return trip was delayed a bit for fog, which seemed silly since it looked significantly nicer out than what we had flown in on Christmas Eve. While waiting my husband asked a silly question, "Would you like me to see if I can get us upgraded to first class?" I answered as one would expect. He was able to use his last two upgrade vouchers in the last few weeks of his *status* to get us upgraded to two first class seats right next to each other. We flew back in style, holding hands, and kissing, and being us. We were going home together.

Luckily, the days following the departure had been kind. It was cold upon our arrival, but earlier days of warmth had melted all the snow. No scraping needed. We drove home.

Besides the the stress of travel, there was another toll to the trip. There was tons of food including desserts at seemingly every meal. There was very little exercise other than walking around my Grandparents' land. When I weighed myself this morning for the first time in almost a week I found that I gained almost 5 pounds. Eek. Now it is time to get back to healthier eating and Bikram and Versaclimbing. I've been a little ahead of schedule on weight gain but nothing too extreme. I don't want to get out of control in the third trimester! Yes, less than 3 months to go little critter!

Finding the time

2008-12-19T09:49:00.002-06:00

It is a sad commentary on my life that almost 2 months ago my husband had given me a gift certificate for a 1-hour prenatal massage, and I still hadn't had a chance to use it before yesterday. After the day I had I called the spa at 5 and asked if there was any chance (knowing there probably wasn't) of getting a 1-hour prenatal massage last night. Well, it turns out that they had a 6:15 cancellation for a therapist who is certified in prenatal. Something did go right for me yesterday! I had my massage and relaxed for the rest of the night. I didn't make one additional dent in my to do list, and it was wonderful.

This morning I braved the Chicago winter to go to my midwife appointment. This is the last week of my 2nd trimester, so all subsequent appointments increase in frequency from 4 weeks to 2 weeks. Plus, I have to go in for a follow up glucose screening (i.e. 3 hours of sitting around to see how my body processes some nasty sugar water), and a follow-up ultrasound (to check the status of my darn low-lying placenta). Plus we should take some classes: birthing, infant care, breastfeeding. I was thinking that the period after the holidays would be a little calmer, but it looks like my dance card will remain quite full.

Oh, and I should probably get some stuff for this here critter that's a'comin'. From my MIL and a new mother friend I have 2 big boxes of clothes already, but I don't have anything else. And we have to make space for whatever stuff we get. We plan to move to a bigger apartment when our lease is up, but that won't be until the baby is a couple months old. Until then the house is likely to look a bit chaotic with baby accoutrement and other items in whatever rooms they can fit. Luckily we had our Christmas party which will server as our last big home-based event for a while.

There went a big kick. The crit knows when he's being written about. That's okay, baby. The schedule will be crazy, the to do list will be long, but it will all be well worth it for you!

Do multiple meetings and emails make a sound?

2008-12-18T16:40:00.004-06:00

If a tree falls in the forest and someone IS there to hear it but doesn't pay any attention, does it still make a sound? Moreover, if the tree falls then falls on that someone and injures them is it really the tree's fault after loudly sounding the warning of danger???

Here's the deal. My biggest work project of late has been trying to implement this new system. However, whenever I get a segment done and ask the person who will actually use the system to check that what I did is correct, he never does.

Without going into all the boring details, this system involves a lot of accounting transactions. I have not had an accounting class in over 15 years, and I was never good at it then. I make sure to repeat this when I request help checking things. Essentially, I am not qualified to check every nuance. Oh, I can catch blatant errors and send change requests back to the developers, but once I'm satisfied someone who knows this stuff should really look at it. But no one ever does.

Well, we've been live for a few weeks now. The decision to go live was based on my data checks. Now the primary user finally looked at something and found a problem. This problem would have been easy to fix BEFORE we went live, but now that the numbers have been published the correction process is very complex. It sucks.

I want to say, "I told you so." After all, I did. But I have enough work experience to know that isn't how life works. This will come back on me. Either I should have done more checking, or I should have sat with the user until he did it.

I was already stressed today about how hard it seems to be to find a birthing class that doesn't conflict with my baby shower. I really didn't need a 4 o'clock surprise of actual significance.

Publicity...for my cooking!

2008-12-16T11:01:00.003-06:00

I was at a pre-Thanksgiving party a few weeks ago, and there was a woman there who writes for Apartment Therapy. She was taking pictures to post. I only recently learned that her post included raves for the cheese hors d'ouevres that I brought.

Here is the full post. I belatedly posted the recipe in the comments section. The host requested that the recipe be emailed a while back, so I'm sure it has already gotten some circulation.

Had I known I would have lobbied for coverage of my Christmas Party. That's really when I do my best work!

Shameless Self-Promotion: Acme Theater New Works Winter Festival

2008-12-15T19:50:00.003-06:00

My dark, comedy "The Wrong Mistake" will be performed as a part of the Acme Theater of Maynard, MA 8th annual New Works Winter Festival. Performances are January 9, 10, 16, and 17. (The festival is performed in two tracks, so my show will only be included in two nights of the run. They haven't yet announced which shows will be on which nights.)

If you or someone you know will be in or near Maynard, MA in January, please check out the show, and let me know how it goes!

The web site has more details:
http://www.acmetheater.com/nwwf2009.asp

Shameless Self-Promotion: Seven Plays in Seven Days for the Holidays

2008-12-01T10:06:00.003-06:00

My Christmas play "The Pants and The Virgin" is a part of a one night only festival in Chicago on December 8th.

About "The Pants and The Virgin"
Paul is nervous about inviting his fiancee to his parent's house for Christmas. After all, his parents are atheists who only enjoy Christmas for it's materialistic traditions, and his fiancee is the mother of God.

About "Seven Plays in Seven Days for the Holidays"

Christmas in Chicago…
Smell the roasting chestnuts? Hear the clarion voices of the carolers? Feel the tension of seven directors and seven casts preparing for “Seven Plays in Seven Days for the Holidays?”

They have seven days to rehearse a 10–minute play before presenting it to people who will – undoubtedly – have visions of more than sugar plums dancing in their heads… (Well they’ll have that, too, if they show up…)

"Seven Plays in Seven Days for the Holidays" will be performed at 8 p.m., Monday, December 8 at the City Lit Theater, 1020 W Bryn Mawr Ave, Chicago, IL.

Ticket price is $7.00
For more information and to order tickets log on at www.nufanensemble.com.
Tickets will be available for purchase online Tuesday, December 2, 2008.

I know you're in there.

2008-11-20T13:41:00.003-06:00

I can feel the baby now. It's sort of like I swallowed the insides of a lava lamp. And I love it.

Before this whole pregnancy-thing was very abstract. Sure ultrasounds and dopplers and test results indicated the presence of baby, but those are just images and sounds and numbers. This is real.

I like knowing he's in there. Hello, little guy! It's comforting to know he is with me.

Of course, the downside of this is that he is not in constant motion; therefore, I do not get constant sensations. I miss him then. And if I haven't felt him in a while I worry.

He's with me right now, doing kicks or flips or punches. I don't really know what he's up to in there, but I can feel it. And it is wonderful.

The gadget economy

2008-11-19T11:39:00.003-06:00

I was laid off in the summer of 2001. Although I wasn't working for a dot-com, I was working for a company that did consulting for dot-coms. As the bubble burst and we avidly watched the posts on fuckedcompany.com like rubberneckers staring at traffic accidents, I was not surprised to be laid off. It was just what was happening.

The first thing I did after being laid off was cancel the modem service for my Palm PDA. When I called to have the service terminated, the woman asked "May I ask why you want to cancel?" I told her I had been laid off. There were no more questions after that. I think it was something she had heard before.

Gadgets have become more pervasive than they were in 2001. Then, PDAs were less common and having an Internet compatable PDA meant you were a true geek. Now, smart phones are used by businessmen and students alike. The iPhone continues to gain market share. Will this trend be sustained as our economy flounders?

Perhaps these items continue to be popular because they are viewed as a small splurge (as opposed to a new car or something). Perhaps they are popular because their market tends to be younger, and younger people often don't worry about money, even when they should.

I guess we'll just wait and see how the economy and the gadget market evolve in the coming year(s). You can check for updates with your wireless device.

Busy, Busy Bees

2008-11-18T12:29:00.003-06:00

My husband and I are greatly looking forward to life with baby; however, we realize that there are a number of things we like to do together that will become logistically more difficult when we have a child. As a result, we're sort of on a bit of a bender for activities (particularly concerts and plays) that will be difficult (or significantly more expensive because of babysitters) once the baby is born.

In the past few months we have seen a bunch of concerts including Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Beck, and TV on the Radio. We've been going to plays including Eurydice at Victory Garden and The Brothers Karamazov at Looking Glass Theatre. We also saw the Yard Dogs Road Show and a Henry Rollins spoken word show.

In addition to this, social events have kicked up since the end of October and likely won't die down until New Year's. Also, John and I both have been really busy at work. On top of all that I still try to do Bikram Yoga at least twice a week.

I was also spending some of my pre-mama time to draft a new full-length play. It's having a developmental reading at Chicago Dramatists tonight. On the one hand, I'm excited to hear the play and get some feedback. On the other hand, I'd love to be able to go home after work and just snuggle and watch TV with my husband. Of late, those nights are rare treats.

They say the best time to "do things" is during your second trimester, so I guess I'm following that advice to a T. Still, it's a bit harrowing and the time is flying by. I can't believe Thanksgiving is next week! I haven't even started thinking about Christmas shopping, which is very unlike me.

I look forward to January and some time to do nothing. We have a couple more plays to see in January and February, and a concert or two may pop up. Still, it will not be like now. I'm enjoying all we are doing, but it is starting to wear me out! All I want for Christmas is a weekend to myself!

Shameless Self Promotion: Future Ten 5, Pittsburgh, Pa.

2008-11-09T18:30:00.005-06:00

This year Future Tenant requested 10 minute plays with a Pittsburgh theme for their annual Future Ten Festival. Running November 14-15, my play "Baby XL" imagines the frustrations of a pregnant Steelers fan when she goes into active labor during Super Bowl XL.

Surprise! It turns out that as I was working on "Baby XL" I was, in fact, a pregnant Steelers fan, although I didn't know it yet. I knew I was a Steelers fan, but as for the other part... I found out I was pregnant a few days after submitting the script. Now, much like the character in my play, I wear my Bettis jersey (one of the few articles of my "old" clothes that continues to fit me) and cheer on the guys in black and gold. The key difference between my life and my play is that I'm not due until March, so I should be able to watch the entirety of the post-season without having to rush to the hospital. Go Steelers!

Here are the details:

Ten new short works by playwrights from Pittsburgh and beyond will be featured November 7-8 & 14-15, 2008, in this fifth installment of a local theater tradition. As a fun new twist, all of this year's plays revolve around a Pittsburgh-inspired theme.

Future Tenant, an alternative art space located to 819 Penn Avenue in the heart of Pittsburgh 's Cultural District, will present Future Ten 5: Yinzer Edition . Split into two weekends (Fridays and Saturdays), the festival will feature a varied collection of plots and characters. This year's festival will also feature a "Yinzer Challenge," during which audience members will challenge each other for the illustrious designation of "Captain Yinzer."

Future Ten 5: Program A – Nov. 7-8 at 8 PM
I Can Tell Your Handbag is Fake by Dean Lundquist
Onus On Us by Cheryl Games
On the Inherent Dangers of Having Colleges Located Next to Each Other by Joseph Lyons
Singlish by Sloan MacRae
Eat Your Art Out by Joshua Elias Harmon

Future Ten 5: Program B – Nov. 14-15 at 8 PM
Baby XL by Kim Z. Dale
What The Puck by F.J. Hartland
Cupcake's on the Couch by Courtney Seiberling
Happy Birthday, Leonard by Walter Thinnes
Begin the Peregrine by Gayle Pazerski

Future Ten 5 will also feature the work of five directors, each of whom will helm two of the plays. Overseeing the shows are Fred Betzner, Sloan MacRae, Jaime Slavinsky, Kellee Van Aken and Stacey Vespaziani.

There will be a $10 admission collected at the door.

PLEASE NOTE: Seating is limited, and there will be no advance ticket sales.

For more information go to www.futuretenant.org

Showing my twisted side

2008-10-31T09:35:00.004-05:00

Sure, I'm a mommy-to-be, but I'm still me. And this bun in the oven has not changed the fact that I have a dark and twisted sense of humor. As if the play I started outlining yesterday didn't prove that (it involves a Santa with no pants and the mother of the second coming), my Halloween costume will clearly show it.

I wanted to involve the pregnancy in the costume because it's not something that I'm likely to have many opportunities to do. The belly painting options seemed interesting (pumpkin, fish bowl, etc.), but at 20 weeks I'm not quite round enough to get the full impact. Other options seemed obvious and overdone: pregnant nun, pregnant cheerleader, pregnant (white trash) Britney. The bun in the oven costumes were cute but would be difficult to navigate a party in. (One year I was Botticelli's Venus with a long, wired wig, a body suit, and a giant foam shell. Everyone said I looked great, but shell kept me standing in the corner for most of the night.)

I wanted my Halloween costume to be a bit more creative, allow me show off my belly, be reasonably comfortable, and ideally be a little demented.

I'm going to be dead Sharon Tate.

Per the crime scene photos, she actually died in her underwear. Even though it is "unseasonably mild" today, I wasn't comfortable going that far. A picture taken the day before she was killed shows her in a cropped tank top (showing her belly) and little shorts. I've translated that as shorty pajamas with a cropped top. I've also added a robe for modesty and some warmth.

I have a long blonde wig and fake eyelashes. Again, not realistic to the crime photos but in order to better convey the character, I'm going to do bold 60s eye make-up.

I have some fake skin to make slash marks on my belly and chest. I've already stabbed the robe a bunch of times with a knife covered in fake blood. I have a lot more spray blood to spray over me.

One more little detail. They tied a white rope around her neck, threw it over a rafter, and tied it to another victim. I'll have a white piece of rope around my neck to indicate this.

So that's all.

I told you I was dark and twisted! Is it wrong that a future mother would find this amusing. I don't think so. My child may share my sense of humor or think it's weird/embarrassing, but I don't believe that will impact the child's overall development. After all, I got my sense of humor from my Dad. Other than wanting to be dead Sharon Tate for Halloween I think I turned out just fine.

One more week

2008-10-28T11:33:00.004-05:00

One more week of the presidential campaign. And the hope is that late next Tuesday night we will know the winner. For better or worse. Hopefully the better.

This year's election has consumed me like no other before it. I crave updates and speech snippets and endorsements. I have been excited and worried and hopeful and scared. Sometimes, it seemed I felt those things all at the same time.

This election has brought up some ugly traits within American. These will not go away after the election, but the hope is that the certainty of who will lead the next 4 years will cull the ugliness if only under sense of defeat.

When the election is over I hope to regain my focus for other things. Preparing for the birth of my baby. Finishing the first draft of my new play so it can be workshopped next month. Relaxing. Not having to spend my time bouncing through the punditry trying to grasp at hopefulness without taking anything for granted.

I already did my civic duty. I voted early. Now I just have to wait for the rest of the nation to decide.

A Point of Agreement

2008-10-18T19:59:00.002-05:00

Atheists and Fundamentalist Christians disagree about a lot of things, but there is one point on which they perfectly agree. "We will be with Jesus when we die." The Christians see this as meaning that they will go to heaven, where Jesus is waiting for them. And the atheists...well, they don't believe that Jesus exists. And they don't believe in life after death; therefore, after they die they won't exist. Just like Jesus. We will all be with Jesus when we die. At least the atheists and the Christians. I'm still not sure where the other religions fit in to all of this.

Work in Progress

2008-10-06T11:00:00.005-05:00

My husband patiently allowed me to hole up in our office for most of yesterday. I must admit that my attention was often split between writing and checking out NFL stats particularly as they impacted my fantasy football match-up this week. Still, I got quite a bit done on full-length play I've been working on. And by working on I mean that I started strong but haven't touched the script in over a month.

I forced it out. There are details of the story that I'm still uncertain of, but I made myself put something on paper. It's hard to rewrite what you haven't written in the first place. The script is still rather short for a full length, but I notoriously underwrite my first drafts. I tend to fly through the events as they unfurl in my head, which means I have to go back and add pesky things like character development later.

It felt good to get this out. This was a project that really excited me in the beginning. It is my first time blending my playwriting with my professional life as it is a story that deals with information privacy issues. Forcing myself to work reminded me that the idea still excites me. It's just that little things like being pregnant have been a distraction (as well as, at times, making me exhaustion to the point of uselessness).

This project also scares me. The subject is something that interests me greatly, but I am a bit of an informaiton privacy wonk. Can I keep the story interesting and avoid sounding like I'm proselytizing? Can I keep enough techie details to be authentic without losing the audience in jargon? Plus, as the play is currently structured it combines realistic scenes with very non-realistic scenes. Will it work?

The only way to know if the play will work is to continue writing it.

Although I don't intend to give up writing for motherhood I know that in the beginning there will not be much time for creating new work. As a result, I want to get a lot of writing done this winter to have things that I can edit and submit as time permits when the baby is born. This play will be the centerpiece of that effort. I look forward to getting home tonight and continuing my effort.

Serious hormones

2008-09-28T16:19:00.002-05:00

This morning I went into a panic and mad a bunch of last minute line up changes for my fantasy football team. Then, I went in search of affordable maternity pants that aren't ugly. After several hours of driving around to many stores and trying on numerous pairs of pants, I came home with no pants but with a shirt I don't need. I checked my fantasy scores only to find that my last minute changes f*ed me. Essentially, everyone I benched did well, and everyone I played did lousy. Now, I'm crying. This sucks.

ZOMG! ur txt is 2 l8!

2008-09-25T11:56:00.003-05:00

I seem to remember my mother telling me it is rude to call people before 9 AM and after 9 PM. It seems to me that most civilized folk follow some similar rules although the times may be adjusted a bit. (An exception is college when everyone has crazy schedules and late night calls, even on weekdays, were not unexpected.)

Now, I don’t believe that people aren’t up before 9 AM or go to bed at 9 PM. That's definitely not my schedule. However, before 9 AM people are often busy getting their day started, particularly during the work week. After 9 PM, people are usually winding down for bed (on weekdays) or already busy (on weekends). Of course, there are exceptions if you know for sure someone is available. They may be even expecting the call. (“I can’t call until 10 tonight, is that okay?”) But, if I don’t know I try to stick to the rule unless the call is for something really important. Like I said, it seems that most people do the same.

But text messages seem to be different.

Yes, a text message is less of an interruption than a phone call, but it’s still an interruption. If the phone ringer is active, it will still make a sound. The receiver is still likely to look at the message to see what it is whether she was awakened from sleep or is rushing to get ready for work.

Last night, my husband and I finally made it to bed early. All the rest of the week, despite intentions otherwise, we have ended up staying up late, leaving us both functioning as walking zombies. But last night we finally go to bed early. Until…

There was a beep. This is how soundly asleep we both were: at first we were so out of it that we couldn’t figure out what the sound was. After a while I decided it was my husband’s phone. He decided it was mine. He was right. (Sorry, sweetie.)

I got up and got my phone. The text message was, of course, of no particular importance, but the damage had been done. I couldn’t fall asleep again for over an hour. My husband ended up getting up because he couldn’t sleep.

Perhaps I was asking for this. If I didn’t want to be disturbed I shouldn’t leave my ringer on, right? The problem is, I like to have the ringer on at night because of those times when there is truly something important. Sure, those messages usually come as actually phone calls and not texts, but on my phone turning the ringer on and off applies to everything. (One exception is Twitter, which has very good DND options for phones.) To only turn off text messages I would have to change the text messages settings each night and change them back in the morning. It’s easier to be annoyed.

Some text messages are random thoughts that people want to share at that time. I think the spontaneity of the content prevents people from thinking about whether this is an appropriate time to share. But I wish people would stop to think about that for a moment. At least before hitting "send" to me.

If you want to let me know something and it is not between 9 AM and 9 PM, unless it’s urgent, send me an email. You can do that from your phone. You don’t even need a “smart phone” or anything. Just type my email where you would normally put my phone number in the text message. That way, I can get your message and respond at a time when you aren’t waking me up or jarring my precisely timed morning routine. Oh, your message won’t be meaningful a few hours later? It’s just not that important? Precisely.

My abstract condition

2008-09-23T08:53:00.003-05:00

I'm pregnant.

I know I'm pregnant. Tests have told me I'm pregnant. I've heard a heartbeat other than my own hiding in my lower abdomen (twice). I've even seen an ultrasound picture of a 7 cm long fetus. I'm definitely pregnant.

Still, part of me doesn't believe it. I mean it's very unreal to think that there is a little person growing inside of me. Weird! And although visits to the midwives and hospital labs provide scientific assurances, my daily experiences are far more abstract.

Sure, I've gained 8 pounds in the past 15 weeks, but my weight has gone up and down my whole life. I've had the occassional headache, but many people do. My breasts have been tender, but that's still pretty minor.

I haven't had morning sickness, and I'm not going to complain about that. I certainly am thankful to not have to have daily head-first explorations of my office bathrooms. However, that would have been a more dramatic sign that "Yes, this is happening."

So when does it become real? When I finally "pop" out to a rounded belly rather than a simply pudgy one? When I feel a kick? When I'm so huge I can barely stand to move? Or will it not hit me until a baby comes out of me? Is it possible to think, even then, where did that come from?!

Let that be a lesson to you

2008-09-19T13:53:00.003-05:00

The most significant political revelation about Sarah Palin's Yahoo! email account being "hacked" is that she used a private email for official business (not unlike some other elected officials we know...perhaps she does have the experience to be VP!). Regardless about how you feel about that, the manner in which the account was accessed should be a lesson to anyone who posts online.

The reported way it happened was that the attacker got in by activating the "I forgot my password" functionality, which forced him (or her?) to answer some personal questions. The first questions were standard: birthdate and zip code. The last was self-selected, in this case, where Sarah Palin met her husband. The attacker successfully gained access because all of this information was easily available online.

A few articles have mentioned how this is a risk for people in the public eye; however, a similar attack can be made on people who post personal information, such as on MySpace or FaceBook.

Birthday is pretty common. Sure some people suppress the year "for security purposes," but all it takes is a post about a birthday milestone (21st, 30th, etc.) and some basic math skills to work around that.

Zip codes are more rare in personal posts, but addresses can sometimes be found through other sources. Also, if you live in a small town (Wasilla, AK?) there may be a limited number of choices, or if you frequently post about the neighborhood you live in you may have already narrowed down the options.

High schools and colleges are frequently posted with alumni pride, but they are also used as security prompts (either directly or indirectly as in where Sarah Palin met her hubby: Wasilla High).

What's a social networker or blogger to do?

First, limit the blatantly personal stuff, but realize some is likely to leak out. Even if you don't post under your real name someone may post a comment with your name or an obvious variant. References to milestone birthdays equal references to birthdates. Referring to maternal grandparents by name usually means you just revealled you "Mother's Maiden Name."

Second, limit access to all but the most generic information. Sadly, this can limit some of the fun of websharing (note that this blog is fully open as of this post); however, it can help prevent your data from being easily read by anyone. But don't think that limiting to "friends" will make everything okay. All but the most disciplined friends lists have a way of getting unwieldy and including people you may have never really met. Also, there can be security incidents in which data is "accidentally" made public due to a security flaw. Or the site can be hacked. Oh, and there can be a lot of developers (for the site you use as well as plug in applications) that may have access to your data. The simple answer is if it's on the Internet assume a lot of people may be able to see it.

Third, lie in your security questions or modify the truth to make the answers unguessable. Say you were born in a city you've never been to. Answer your mother's maiden name with your parent's anniversary date. Move your hands over on the keyboard so typing the same word ends up as nonsense. Of course the risk in these cases is that YOU will forget the answer, which is why number four is important.

Fourth, be sure to list an alternate email. If you have another email on file most sites give you the option of having the password reset sent there. That will protect you if you make your security question so difficult that even you can't answer it. (Note, however, that this won't protect someone else from getting into your account using the question, so be sure it's a good one.)

Admittedly, the sort of attack and prevention described above implies a scenario in which someone has targetted your specific account. Hopefully, no one will want to do that. But when you realize the above can hold true for your online banking as well, perhaps it's better to be cautious. You never know when you might make someone angry or a "friend" wants to play a prank on you or you get tapped to be the Republican vice-presidential nominee. It happened to a "hockey mom" from Alaska; it can happen to you!

My brain reverts to the juvenile when bored

2008-09-18T16:35:00.007-05:00

I was just in a meeting that had very little impact on me, so it made it all the more distractingly amusing when this conversation occurred:

Female Manager: "What do you think about Dick?"

Female Lawyer: "I'm thinking no Dick."

FM: "But this looks like it's 90% Dick."

FL: "Yeah. This is a lot of Dick."

Male Accountant: "I thought we wanted Dick except for administrative."

FL: "I think we should do it again and pull the Dick out."

Seriously, it went on like this. Don't these people know what they are saying? Maybe they're just too sophisticated. The thing is, we all seem to be about the same age. It's not like I was the kid...I just think like one sometimes.

Flattering and Disappointing at the Same Time

2008-09-18T11:23:00.004-05:00

"Claire's Departure" took first runner-up for best play at the Silver Spring One-Act Festival. It's nice to know the play was appreciated by the audience, but it's frustrating to have been not quite good enough.

Winning would have been a particularly nice ego boost as I wait to hear from a festival where this same play is a finalist. They were supposed to be tallying the votes on Monday, but I haven't heard anything. A bad sign or just a sign they haven't had the time to tally the votes and/or notify people? Who knows.

But I hate to wait.

Oh, as for that other overdue festival that I complained about in a previous post. They ended up making their announcement on the last day of August. And I was selected. I guess good things come to those who wait...no matter how impatiently!

The TV Report

2008-09-09T13:22:00.003-05:00

I was raised on TV, and I haven't yet broken the habit. I comfortably sit in my living room letting my life get sucked away by talking box. And I like it.

It's a new season. Time for the return of old friends and exploration of new ones.

What I'm watching right now
Mad Men - aka the best show on TV
The Shield - The final season is going to be out of control
Project Runway - This season is pretty awful, but it's a habit.
America's Next Top Model - A REALLY bad habit. I am ashamed.
The Soup - The trasy clips I want without the shame of watching the shows. (Except ANTM. I can't help myself.)
Dexter (on DVD) - Cable costs too much to add another premium channel, but I love this show. I'm currently Netflixing my way through Season Two.

What I've been giving a try
True Blood - The first episode didn't wow me, but neither did the first episode of Big Love. The show did intrigue me, so I'll give it a few more weeks to make an impact.
Sons of Anarchy - Not as well written as, say, The Shield, but pulpy with some potential for dramatic plot lines. Plus, it's giving work to Katey Sagal and Mitch Pileggi who I haven't seen for a while. And it's nice when Ron Perlman gets to act without a bunch of crazy make-up on.

What I'm Waiting For
Heroes - Just a great show
CSI - Another guilty pleasure
Criminal Minds - More or less of a guilty pleasure than CSI? Depends on the episode.
Amazing Race - How sucked in I get depends on the teams
House - It started to lose me last season, but I'm willing to go back for more
Law & Order: SVU - Do you get that I'm a sucker for crime dramas?
Big Love - Is this even coming back?
Battlestar Gallactica - A long, long wait.

Wow, it's a wonder that I find time to do anything else at all.

Stereotypical Girls

2008-09-06T22:52:00.001-05:00

The lesbian couple downstairs loves to blast Melissa Etheridge music on Saturday nights.

My Word Coach forgives me?

2008-09-04T21:42:00.003-05:00

As follow up from yesterday's post, I should report that despite a lackluster series of exercises today I am back up to a 99% Expression Potential. What does that tell me about yesterday's lapse? Nothing. What does this mean for my quest for 100%? Who knows.

Could My Word Coach be taunting me? Is this like converting to Judaism or joining Project Mayhem, and I have to stand up to the rejection before I am taken seriously? Oh, My Word Coach, you are a cold bastard, but you have not broken me yet!

My Word Coach hates me

2008-09-03T12:49:00.001-05:00

I’m a word nerd. I like words and I like word games.

In January or February I used a Best Buy certificate from Christmas to buy “My Word Coach” for the Nintendo DS. Since then, I’ve done the various word games on most of my commuting days as well as some others.

My word coach has different drills for spelling and vocabulary. These are meant to build your “Expression Potential,” which is stated in terms of a percentage. I forget where I started those many months back, but I had recently worked myself up to an expression potential of 99%.

It took a while to get to 99%. Each higher expression potential seemed to take longer to achieve. The move from 98 to 99 took months. But I’m a person who likes to finish things. I had to see if I could get to 100%.

Because it took so long to get from a 98 to a 99% expression potential, I knew it would likely take a while to get to 100%. A friend questioned whether it was even possible to get to 100%. “There will always be a time that you can’t think of the right word.” That made sense to me, but the game gave no indication that I was done. It told me that I was nearing a new Expression Potential. So, on the train, on the bus, I kept playing.

During the last week, the coach within my word coach has become increasingly negative. The artificial intelligence behind the games comments has never been as good as “Brain Age.” I would sometimes be lauded for a horrible round or derided for a pretty good one. But over the last few sessions it seemed that I got negative feedback for everything. My coach questioned whether this was important to me, whether I was taking his advice, whether we had a communication problem. Over and over he expressed his disappointment. Still, I assumed that this was just a coincidence. I played on.

But today something else happened. Something bad. After completing my daily word quota and being chided for each exercise, I was given my current expression potential. I’m so used to seeing 99% that I barely noticed that it said…98%! I had lost a point!

The game made no comment on my demotion. Granted today was not my best day in terms of performance, but I’ve certainly had worse. But never before has my potential gone down! Has my performance degraded so much that I no longer deserve a 99% expression potential? Or, did the game designers not anticipate someone trying to play to the “end” and I hit some sort of glitch?

As frustrated as I am to have lost progress, I sort of want to see what it will do next. So, yes, I will keep playing. At least for a while.

Just tell me when

2008-08-19T14:32:00.004-05:00

I like schedules. I not so obsessive-compulsive that I can't work without a schedule, but if I am given a date and time, I take that to be firm unless told otherwise. I make other plans based on the given date and time, which is why it is frustrating when that date and time turns out to have been tentative at best.

I also tend to relate specificity with rigidity. If you tell me something is going to happen in August I'm less surprised if it happens in July or September than if you said it would happen on August 15.

This is a particular problem when submitting plays. Some theatres don't say when they'll respond. I'm actually okay with that because I don't have any expectations. Some theatres say they'll respond within three-months. I'm not surprised if three-months turns to five. In any case, I'm always happen when I hear back. Even if it's a rejection I know that at least I can mark that inquiry as closed.

Festivals, however, are when I can get frustrated. Unlike an open call for scripts, a festival is usually a scheduled event. Assuming it is a legitimate festival that is actually going to happen you know that the scripts need to be chosen before the festival date. At least there is an end in sight. but with timelines come expectations.

Because there is an end date some festivals also state dates for other milestones, such as notifying the winners. If that date passes I assume I am out of the running. However, theatre peoples don't necessarily work like project managers I have on occasion been surprised by a festival I had written off that notified me late. (Maybe someone else pulled their script. Maybe they were just late. It's hard to tell.)

Because the notification dates may not be as firm as implied the best way to know that if you are definitely out of the running is to look for a formal announcement of winners. If the winners have been announced and you're not on the list, you know you're out. (Actually, one time that's how I found out I was in. I had already checked the web site before my director got around to notifying me.)

This brings me to my present frustration.

I submitted to a festival to which I thought I had a good chance based on the theme and other restrictions. The web site said that winners will be announced publicly by the middle of August. As a result, I thought that the winning playwrights might be notified before then (early August), and perhaps they were. But now it is the 19th, and I'm getting impatient.

The definition of "mid month" is admittedly variable. Perhaps it means the middle third (10th-20th). Perhaps it means the middle two weeks. Perhaps it means the 15th plus or minus a certain number of days. Regardless, they are still potentially "on time." But I know how these things work. As the middle of the month becomes the end of the month there is even less certainty about when an announcement is made (other than before the festival, which is still a few months from now).

Honestly, I'm more annoyed than usually because I've been holding off on travel plans in case I end up being in this festival. Thinking I would know (either way) by now gave me a reasonable amount of time to plan. As days pass I think that I should just make my plans, but my fear is that I'd get the "good news" the day after booking my trip.

I should be more patient. But I just want to know!

Great Minds

2008-08-08T11:26:00.003-05:00

Great minds may think alike, but coming up with the same answer as someone else doesn't mean you think alike. It could be luck or coincidence or you could have copied off of their paper. Coming to a correct answer doesn't make you a great mind. It just makes you correct. Once.

In Junior High I got good grades in Geometry, much to the chagrin of my teacher. You see, I never could remember the formulas. Still, somehow, I could force my way through with the formulas that I did know and come up with the correct answers. I couldn't be accused of copying because we had to do the proofs. My proofs clearly showed how I came to the answer. Each meticulous step. You see, when you know the correct formula your proof may only take a few lines. When you don’t know the correct formulas you can get there but it takes 10 times more lines of proof.

I got a good grade in Geometry, but that doesn’t mean I’m good at math. It just means I passed the class.

You can pass a lot of things, but it doesn’t make you a genius.

Greed

2008-07-29T11:02:00.005-05:00

One aspect of our currently shitty economy that really bothers me is the mortgage crisis. I hate the greed of the banks to approve huge mortgages without even check people's income. I hate the greed of the people who needed homes that were obviously out of their price range. Sure, a lot of people got hurt when the home value decreased or when when they got laid off. They could have planned better, but it was largely unexpected. Others couldn't pay when the variable interest rate went up. They should have better understood the deal, but they couldn't have known exactly how high the rate would end up being. But others admit that they couldn't pay the mortgage to begin with. What were those people thinking? The only explanation to me is greed and materialism. They wanted a nice house and were too blinded by that desire to think it through.

Today, I read this story in The Washington Post. Apparently, the biggest home built by the TV show "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" is being foreclosed on. How could that happen? The family didn't have to pay a mortgage. They were given money to pay the property taxes. They were even given money to put their kids through college. They should have been happy and financially stable. Why then the foreclosure? Well, apparently, they used this gift home as collateral on a $450,000 loan that they now can’t pay. Pure Greed.

Now, I must admit that I’m a quite the consumer myself. I’m often buying stuff I don’t need. I’m trying to be better about that, but it’s how I was raised. With stuff. However, I was also raised not to go into debt. I use credit cards, but I pay them off monthly. My car is currently paid off, which is why I don’t intend to buy another for a while. Sure, I used to have a mortgage. (It was pure luck that I sold before the market crashed.) But I had bought a home that was no bigger than what I needed (an 800 sq. ft. condo) with a mortgage payment that left plenty of extra income for other expenses as well as discretionary spending. I always “pay myself first” by having retirement and other savings pulled out of my bank account before I even see it. I have lots of clothes, but few are designer (unless bought used or on serious sale). I have a modest car.

I’m not a good representative for minimalism. (Something that, largely for environmental reasons I’m working to change.) But I can be an example of living within my means. And I'm proud of that.

Too many people look at debt as a fact of life. I like to look at debt as a last resort for something important that I couldn't otherwise have right now: an education, a home. And even then, just because I can get a loan doesn't mean I should take it. If you are going to sign up for a 30 year mortgage you should start by making a rough financial 30 year plan. You say you can't think that far ahead? Then you shouldn't be taken on debt beyond time periods you can imagine.

People say renting is throwing money away, but those people must not be looking at the truth in lending page of their mortgage document. Interest payments are throwing money away too. At least with renting I can walk away with 60 days notice.

Shameless Self Promotion: Silver Spring Stage One-Act Festival

2008-07-23T08:59:00.002-05:00

My play "Claire's Departure" will be performed August 21-24 as a part of the Silver Spring Stage One-Act Festival in Silver Spring, Maryland. The play premiered at the 2007 Pittsburgh New Works Festival.

Silver Spring Stage 2008 One-Act Festival information

I guess I’m a Bikram convert

2008-07-03T08:38:00.000-05:00

I started doing Bikram yoga about 3 weeks ago. Hot yoga. 90 minutes in a 105 degree Fahrenheit room yoga. Despite recommendations to use my new member unlimited pass to take class 4 times a week to start, I only go about twice a week. I like it, but days I go to Bikram have little opportunity for anything else. I work all day. I take the train to the studio. I work out. I shower. I take the bus home. By that time is 9 PM, and I’m exhausted. I make myself a light dinner and go to bed. Still, I like it. I’m just not obsessed with it.

Or so I thought.

I had a Dramatist’s Guild meeting on Monday, so I went to Bikram on Tuesday. It was a good session. Normally I struggle to get even during bow pose, but on Tuesday I got a long even extension. I felt good. I cleaned and repacked my yoga gear and brought it into work with full intentions of going Wednesday night as well.

Wednesday was a busy day at work. That sort of stress is the sort of thing that’s nice to follow up with something as cleansing and relaxing a Bikram is for me. (After it’s over that is. At the time it is not relaxing. It is hard work.) Still, I was tired. Plus it was extremely rainy, windy, and nasty when I went to work. It was a pain getting to the train. I decided that I just wanted to get home.

But when I got home, I immediately regretted not working out. I decided to do one of my old yoga DVDs. I couldn’t find it. I think I’d loaned it to someone. My husband handed me one of the yoga DVDs he got from his sister, so I decided to give that a try. I had to stop after twenty minutes. It was just too annoying. A lot of slow, sleepy, “focus on your breath” stuff. Long repeated sequences always returning to downward dog. Boring and slow and cultlike. (The guy and his followers were all shrouded in white.)

I was upset at myself for skipping Bikram. I was still tense. I did 10 hard minutes on the Versaclimber until I sweat almost as much as at Bikram. I took a shower. I felt somewhat better.

The nice thing about not going to Bikram was being able to spend the evening with my husband. We watched a movie. We drank wines. These are the things I don’t like about nights that I don’t get home until after Bikram.

However, last night taught me what a significant impact Bikram can have on how I feel, and the converse reaction to skipping it. I wish I could go tonight, but I’m going to see a friend’s show. (It’s having a life that keeps me to 2 Bikram classes a week.) But I’m going tomorrow morning before my 4th of July plans. Would it be easier just to spend the morning sleeping in, watching tv, and making my pasta salad? Of course. But I will feel so good for going to Bikram I can’t resist. I guess I’m addicted.

Words, words, words.

2008-06-19T12:44:00.001-05:00

Anyone who talks enough is likely to get something right eventually. It's like monkeys with typewriters.

Theatre vs. Movies

2008-06-18T11:55:00.005-05:00

The movies were supposed to be the end of theatre. Certainly movies are more popular than than theatre. Still, theatre continues. Why?

Movies have a number of advantages over theatre. One is simply financial. Although most movies cost more to produce than most plays, once a movie is completed it can be run simultaneously on as many screens in as many cities in as many countries as the market will bear. Sure there are still distribution and publicity costs being paid, but the majority of the costs are fixed no matter how many times the movie is replayed. As for theatre, every performance costs money for actors and technicians and space rentals and insurance and on and on. Want to run the same play in multiple cities? Now you need an additional set and additional costumes as well. Oh, yes, and don't forget royalties. Those darn playwrights just insist on getting paid every night!

On an artistic level, movies do spectacle much better. Even in the early days, the capability of what could be done in a studio far surpassed what could be done live on stage. Now the technology makes even more possible. Sure, theatre (usually Broadway) occassionally goes in for the spectacular effects. But no matter how impressive sinking the Titanic on stage may have been, it was only amazing because of the live aspect of it. It was not comparable to the movie Titanic. (And in fact, the musical Titanic suffered from nights when the darn boat wouldn't sink. If it happens in a movie they don't use that cut. The theatre audiences who witness the "bad" nights, understandably, just end up feeling gypped.

So why go to theatre at all?

1. Intimacy
Particularly in a small cast play in a smaller theatre, the audience can feel the energy of the actors/characters. The audience feels this connection. It is impossible to ignore that they are all there together, even if the characters never directly acknowledge that the audience is there. When there is a quiet dramatic scene and you can hear a pin drop in the audience, you know something is special happening. When there is a hilarious comedic scene and the audience is rolling with laughter, they give back to the actors and energize them.

2. Ephemerality
Each performance in theatre only occurs once. Even the most mechanical actors will be slightly different each night. The difference may be an actual technical SNAFU. Generally, the difference is a small bit of timing, a different line delivery. The audience laughs at something no one has ever laughed at or doesn't laugh at something that normally brings down the house. The lead actress cries real tears or doesn't. Sure there is the risk that you will see the show on a "bad" night. But you could see the show on an amazing night. Regardless, it is your night. If there is a movie you love you can watch it over and over again, and it will never change. If there is a play you love you can see subtle differences in nights of the run. Or, moreso, if you see that play in a different production altogether with a different cast, director, and designers, you will get to see it in a whole different way.

3. Spectacle that you create yourself
Last night I was at a reading of a play in progress. During the subsequent discussion one person criticized a scene for being overly cinematic. What he actually meant was that it would be difficult to stage. The director of the reading program noted (I wish I remembered exactly how he worded it) that in film the spectacle is given to you, but in theatre the audience has to create it for themselves. I'd never thought of it that clearly, but that is so true.

Think of the musical The Lion King. The audience suspends their disbelief to allow puppets with visible puppeteers to be animals. The same thing would look absurdly unfinshed in a movie. The audience expects movies to make even the most fantastical stories seem real. Jungle animals need to be CGI (a'la the Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe) or something animatronic.

Even in simpler productions, the audience sees the stage, the percenium, the rest of the audience, yet they allow that to become whatever setting they are told.

In the intimacy, ephemerality, and spectacle of theatre the audience is an active participant. The audience provides energy. They provide part of the soundtrack. And they provide the necessarily imagination to make the show work.

For movies, the audience is simply an observer. For theatre, the audience is part of the ensemble.

Will technology be the death of teaching?

2008-06-17T16:49:00.000-05:00

I was reading an article about a system called StraighterLine that is starting to be used at some colleges. The system posts self-guided course materials, and provides online access to a tutor if the student has trouble with the work. Essentially it’s a online class without a professor.

I could see this being effective for a very straight-forward class with concrete methods and definite solutions, such as algebra, but I can’t see this being effective for anything requiring complex analysis and abstract thinking. Sure such a course could be placed online. Those students who already have the skills would do just fine. But I don’t believe those other students could nurture those skills without direct interaction with a skilled teacher.

I’m not against online learning. I think it expands learning opportunities beyond geographic boundaries and, in some cases, makes it more economically accessible as well. And, I’m definitely not saying that online learning needs to mimic “old school” (literally) model. Some professors are creatively using technologies such as podcasts, blogs, and Twitter to the benefit of their students.

I worry about the model that pulls teaching out of it. Sure there have often been self-directed study models used in schools, but they were usually reserved for advanced students who were already surpassing their peers and who had the skills, motivation, and focus to learn on their own. Usually this occurred off to the side of another class, so the cost was the same for both sets of students.

A model such as StraighterLine scares me it is economically desirable. The cost of tutors (even enough to provide 24x7 coverage) is going to be cheaper than a professor’s salary. I fear a pressure to expand this usage to more and more classes. Sure this model may not work with some types of classes, but there is always the option to offer fewer of those other types of classes.

The risk is another “No Child Left Behind.” NCLB hurt arts curricula because it bases a school’s funding on standardized testable reading and math skills; therefore, reading and math often emphasized to the sacrifice of everything else. If an instructorless online system is significantly cheaper than other options, mightn’t schools be similarly compelled to focus on those classes that can be taught in that way?

Or perhaps it’s a good thing. Certainly we have all been taught by people who provided nothing more valuable than what StraighterLine provides. Perhaps it is those people who would be forced to find other work. Perhaps those teachers who truly engage and inspire, those who use the technology to enhance their lessons, who treat a classroom as a collaborative arena or thought—perhaps those wonderful people will still teach classes. Perhaps students will soon take them. Perhaps finding out there is an actual teacher tied to a course will be a signal that this is exceptional material taught in an exceptional way.

Courses that challenge the brain beyond its ability to regurgitate, be the subject art or philosophy or astrophysics, are the vital to ensuring that our future includes thinkers rather than an entire generation of human data processors.

Stuff

2008-06-16T11:56:00.002-05:00

I like stuff. I was raised on stuff. I was an only child in an upper-middle class family. My parents bought stuff for me and for themselves. Little of what we had was particularly fancy or flashy, but we sure had a lot of it. At Christmas they went particularly overboard. They'd start shopping early and by the end of December would have accumulated huge piles of presents for each of us. A college boyfriend who spent a Christmas with us described it as "decadent." Although I bristled at the negative connotation I couldn't really argue.

Over the years I've tried to purge. When I moved from a condo to a one bedroom apartment I had to purge because of the diminishing available space. Loads and loads to Goodwill and to friends. Items sold on Craigslist. There would just be know room.

Even with the space I realize that stuff is a burden. More things make organization and cleaning more difficult. It's harder to find things amidst vast collections. A cluttered room also clutters the mind.

I'd like to get rid of books that I rarely read, kitchen appliances that I rarely use, or clothes I rarely wear, but I always worry I'll regret it. And some things are sentimental. And some things I just like. I do. I like my stuff.

On Friday, a close friend's apartment was broken into. She was robbed. They took sentimental items like her grandmother's wedding ring. They took practical items like her computer. What they didn't take they rifled through. All her stuff was gone or in severe disarray.

We all agree that the most important thing is that she was not hurt. She was not there when it happened. She is perfectly safe. We would all prefer to lose our stuff than have something happen to our persons.

Still, the loss of stuff is angering, disheartening, and disorienting. You think you are coming home to your stuff, but it is not there. You locked the door, but still it is gone. It is scary. It is upsetting.

This event makes me look at my stuff differently. What of it is *truly* important? What can I do to protect those things? What, if something were to hapen, could I just take the insurance money and buy a new one? What can never be replaced? What can I do about that? Do I have enough back-ups of my writing? Where is my favorite jewelry kept? What is just a distraction? What should I do with all my stuff?

I hope I remembered to lock the door.

There are other things I should be doing

2008-06-10T12:39:00.003-05:00

Since coming back from the honeymoon I've lacked motivation. I've lacked motivation at work. I've lacked motivation at home.

All I can figure is that the wedding was this big exciting project, and now that it is over I don't seem to have a purpose. But that's silly. Work is just getting busier. I have numerous personal projects waiting for me. (Including a new play that is an idea I'm really excited about, but, apparently, not excited enough to actually sit down and write more than 2 pages of.)

I'm not even excited about my "Chicago Premiere" tomorrow. Sure, it's just a one-night performance of a 10-minute play, but since I haven't had a production since September you'd think I'd have at least some anticipation. Honestly, when people were asking me for the details I forgot it was this week! This is my first play to be performed in my new city, and my first play EVER to be performed with my new name. Exciting, huh? I guess we'll see how I feel tomorow.

I really need to get my act together. The main reason that the house is not a complete pigsty is that John has been keeping up with things. I have done very little housework in the past few weeks. I still need to put away some of the wedding gifts. I still need to put away my winter sweaters.

I've been cooking more, so that's good. And I've had a social life, which takes up time but is no excuse. I need to regain my motivation and my balance of career, housework, friends, and writing. I had that for a while. I need that again. Oh, and I'm not working out. I was feeling so good about working out before the wedding. Now I'm turning to mush. Maybe if I start on that the rest will follow. Perhaps I can win a Pulitzer Prize for my abs.

Shameless Self Promotion: My Chicago Premiere

2008-06-10T12:31:00.003-05:00

Women's Theatre Alliance of Chicago 10-Minute Play Fest

Join WTA at the Theatre Building (1225 W. Belmont)
on Wednesday June 11 at 7:30pm
for our 10-Minute Play Fest!
$5 general admission
WTA members free!

Featuring the following 10 Minute Plays:

"Prudence in Peril" by Kim Z. Dale, directed by Dan Foss
"Tiny" by Liza Lentini, directed by Margaret Lebron
"Incubation Period" by Trina Kakacek, directed by Tiffany Smith
"Hot Dog MFA" by Martyna Majok, directed by David Breslow
"A Boat at Sea" by Emily Schwartz, directed by Hannah Kushnik
"The Equestrian" by Chelsea Marcantel, directed by Drew Dir

Special thanks to Fest Facilitator Margaret Lebron

Women's Theatre Alliance of Chicago
2936 N. Southport
Chicago, Illinois 60657
womenstheatre@lycos.com

Wedding Day Part 1: At the Hotel

2008-05-19T05:13:00.001-05:00

The first of many overdue wedding posts:

Preparations at the Hotel

My day started early. I was awake at 4 AM. Not panicked. Not nervous. Just awake. This is ridiculous, I thought, I have a big day ahead of me. I need more sleep.

I tried to sleep more. I had a little success until 5:30. I thought, this is still obsessively early. I thought back to when I was a kid and I would wake up insanely early on Christmas morning. My parents wouldn’t let me wake them up until at least 6 AM. I decided I should try to sleep until 6.

The time from 5:30 to 5:45 took so long I couldn’t stand it. I had to get up. My maid-of-honor and a close friend who was serving as my wedding day coordinator were staying at the hotel with me. I would get up quietly as not to wake them. I would go to the bathroom then maybe do some yoga. But when I went into the bathroom the girls starting talking. Had I woken them? No, they were way too animated for that. It turns out we had all been awake for hours. No one wanted to wake anyone else.

Now, what? We didn’t want to get ready too quickly, but the hotel breakfast didn’t even start until 6:30. We talked for a while. My MOH (who also made and designed my dress) sewed a pocket of extra fabric in which she could carry tissues with her bouquet. (This will become important later.)

When 6:30 finally arrived we went downstairs and got breakfast. There was basically no one else there. We took our time eating. When we were bored with that, we grabbed some to go cups of coffee and OJ and went back upstairs.

We started getting ready but slowly. The photographer was going to show up a little after 9 to take pictures of us getting ready. We didn’t want to be completely done before that. Additionally, I tend to be the type of person who gets ready really early for big events then has to sit around waiting. I didn’t want to do that this time. I’d have to do enough waiting once I was at the wedding site.

We worked on hair and make-up and listened to a mix CD I had made for the girls. (When that CD was done we put on some Madonna and Prince.) The photographer showed up just when we were getting ready to make mimosas. (Remember that OJ we snagged from breakfast?) The photographer took pictures of us drinking from plastic Days Inn cups (very classy) and doing finishing touches on hair and make-up, then he went upstairs to take some pictures of the guys getting ready.

While the photographer was with the guys we got dressed. I shouldn’t have put my jewelry on before the dress, but as I’ve emphasized we were killing time. Unfortunately, I got a little snagged getting into my dress, and it f’ed up my hair a bit. It still looked okay, but it had looked better before. Oh, well.

After all the care taken to put on my dress I had to remind my MOH that she should get dressed too! Another friend came by to hang out and enjoy some mimosas. The photographer came back and took some final shots, such as my MOH putting on my veil. Then we were ready to head out for the restaurant.

Now, I’m not a completely traditional girl, but there are some things I really like. One of these is for the bride and groom not to see each other until the ceremony. I think that moment when they first see each other is a beautiful part of the day. I know some people do a special reveal ahead of time, but I feel like this is a part of the ceremony. I did not want John to see me before the wedding.

As planned, my friend who was organizing the day called the best man to let him know we were going to be on the move and that they should stay put, but he didn’t answer his phone. She tried their hotel room, but they didn’t answer there either. We were a bit anxious, not because we thought I’d been jilted but because we thought the guys might be at breakfast or something. We didn’t want to anticlimactically have the first time John saw me to be by randomly running into us in the hall. Luckily, we got a hold of the best man and found that they were walking by the lake, a safe distance away.

We went outside to catch a cab. My MOH lived in Pittsburgh for too long and does not adequately know how to hail a cab. We were planning to walk to the corner, but we saw a cab coming down the street we were on. My MOH timidly put her hand up from the middle of the sidewalk when the cab was a block away. That’s a good way to have a cab drive right passed you. So I, in full-length dress and veil stepped right to curb and put my arm out. At that moment the wind picked up and billowed out my veil. It happened so quickly that I don’t know if the photographer got the shot but I hope so.

To be continued...

Review: Womenscene

2008-05-17T09:29:00.002-05:00

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/08138/882523-42.stm

Stage Review: 'Womenscene' offers unusually diverse local skits
Saturday, May 17, 2008
By Samantha Bennett, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

If your theatrical diet consists mainly of Broadway tours and flashy productions in the well-known venues Downtown, you may not be getting enough fiber.

For something locally grown, organic and beneficial to local organizations -- as well as being entertaining food for thought -- you could head out to the Union Project tonight for "Womenscene," "an evening of eclectic theatre written for women, about women and to benefit women."

There's a little something for everyone in the 90 minutes of short pieces (mostly monologues) written by local playwrights and performed by local actors. The evening begins with a birth, as a fond dad played by John Stetor recalls the years spent raising "Punkin' " (written by F. J. Hartland), and before the final love letter to a can-do single mom written by Sandy Boggs and performed by Vince Ventura, we've seen persecution, comedy, Internet porn, sexuality, culture, loss, political polemics, stalking and celebrity.

Standouts include Chris Gavaler's "Who's on First," a rapid-fire modern update on the old Abbott and Costello chestnut performed by Rachel Noderer and Greg Caridi, and Paula Martinac's "The Tenants," with the splendid Barbara Russell as a quintessentially Pittsburgh landlady.

Kim Zelonis' "Retro Hottie" explores a predicament that could happen to any woman who was young and needed the money, while her "Covered" is the playful confession of a man who can understand, if not entirely approve of, the utility of the burqa. A third Zelonis piece, "Unbred Mother," was dropped from the lineup Thursday night when I was there, but it should be back tonight.

"She Times Three" by Carol Mullen has a setup and rhythm that recalls "The Vagina Monologues," while Marilyn Bates' "Untitled No. 2," affectingly read by Etta Cox, is also reminiscent of some of the darker, hush-inducing material in Ensler's landmark work.

Founder and performer Donna Rae and director Lora Oxenreiter have stitched together a quirky, diverse, absorbing evening and informed it with infectious energy. All proceeds go to the Lupus Foundation of Pennsylvania, Women and Film in Media, Pittsburgh, and the Union Project, a community and job-training center.

The acoustics of the former church venue aren't ideal; there's a lot of echo, partly controlled by microphones, and the occasional idling bus or passing motorcycle intrudes. On the other hand, there are hors d'oeuvres at every performance, and a coffee bar that helps create an informal, neighborhood coffeehouse ambience.

You can fill your plate with something you won't get just anywhere.

Samantha Bennett can be reached at sbennett@post-gazette.com or 412-263-3572.
First published on May 17, 2008 at 12:00 am

Press: Womenscene

2008-05-15T08:53:00.004-05:00

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/08136/881841-326.stm

In the Wings: 'Womenscene'
Thursday, May 15, 2008
By Christopher Rawson, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
• Donna Rae, who once upon a time invented the Pittsburgh New Works Festival, is at it again, dreaming up "WOMENSCENE," an eclectic evening of 14 monologues and short scenes written for and about women, to benefit women.

Director Lora Oxenreiter suggested inviting local playwrights to participate. The assorted monologues and dialogues are mostly less than five minutes, and the whole program runs about 90 minutes. It will be staged tonight through Saturday, 7:30 p.m., at The Union Project, 801 N. Negley Ave., Highland Park; tickets $20 ($5 discount with student ID); reservations at 412-655-9530.

"It marks the culmination of two years of planning, cajoling and recruiting writers, staging volunteers and actors," says Rae, a noted cajoler. She credits Richard E. Rauh for underwriting the project so that all the money raised each night will go direct to these beneficiaries: The Union Project (tonight), Women in Film and Media (Friday) and LUPUS Pennsylvania (Saturday).

The program: John Stetor in F.J. Hartland's "Punkin"; Demetria Marsh in James Michael Shoberg's "Spellbound"; Rachel Noderer and Greg Caridi in Chris Gavaler's "Who's on First"; Tracey Taylor Perles in Kim Zelonis' "Retro Hottie"; Rachel Noderer, Diana Ifft and Donna Rae in Carol Mullen's "She Times Three"; Caridi in Zelonis' "Covered"; Barbara Russell in Paula Martinac's "The Tenants"; Diana Ifft in Chris Gavaler's "Cell Phone"; Jeannine McKelvia in Zelonis' "Unbred Mother"; John Stetor in Judy Meiksin's "Untitled No. 1"; Etta Cox in Marilyn Bates' "Untitled No. 2"; Rae in Bates' "Bombshell"; Marsh in Meiksin's "Mariam"; Vince Ventura in Sandy Boggs' "The Superhero."

Others who had hoped to participate include Bingo O'Malley, who got a movie, and Lenora Nemetz, who got a Broadway show. "The project was good for them," jokes Rae. It promises to be good for others, too.