Breastfeeding is the most rewarding and most challenging thing I've ever done.
When I am feeding my son and he looks up at me he truly feels like he is mine. At other times it is hard to believe that this beautiful boy is someone that my husband and I made, but when I hold him and feed him I feel so much like his mother. When he is done and contented and curls up against me it is pure bliss.
On the other hand, there is the feeling that I am always feeding. Each feeding lasts about an hour. During the day, he eats every 2-3 hours. That time is measured from the beginning of the last feeding, which means I often only have an hour before I feed him again. That is exhausting. And, of course, there is the lack of sleep from night feedings. I am told that over time the duration and frequency of feedings decreases, and I can't say that doesn't sound nice.
But we have had bigger challenges than exhaustion. Both the critter and I have struggled with the process. In the hospital, the nurses commented on how well we breastfed. This is because my son had a perfect latch (mouth position on the breast). Bad latch is a common breastfeeding problem. Unfortunately, what they didn't notice was that even though he looked like the poster boy for breastfeeding technique, he was not actually drinking deeply. At our pediatrician appointment 2 days after being discharged from the hospital he had lost more weight than babies usually do. We started working with a lactation consultant.
The lactation consultant taught me how to encourage the baby to take big gulps and taught my husband how to assist me at that. This helped...somewhat. A few days later the critter's weight was up but only by a third of an ounce. At least he wasn't losing.
I was started taking fenugreek and pumping for 10 minutes after each feeding. Still, the critter didn't gain anything by the next appointment. Or the appointment after that.
We started providing an ounce of formula after each feeding to supplement his nutrition. I also started taking a drug called domperidone to stimulate my milk production.
Taking the domperidone was a big decision for me. I was raised by a nurse and a pharmacist, and I have no problem with medicine. However, I also don't believe in taking anything unnecessarily. I have always taken that approach with my own health, but I feel even more strongly about that for my baby. That is why having a natural birth was important to me. Breastfeeding was important to me because it is the more natural option. So it was difficult for me to have to take pills in order to go the "natural" route. Still, continuing with the use of formula would likely mean my milk supply would decrease until it was gone. And I wasn't ready to give up on breastfeeding yet (for reasons see the beginning of this post).
At his last check up the critter gained 3 ounces. That met our ounce a day goal. He has another appointment tomorrow. I am hoping to see continued progress.
I know that formula feeding is not failure. I've even read the article in this month's Atlantic about how there isn't really evidence to back up the hype of "breast is best." Still, I hope I'm not just being stubborn in my commitment to breastfeeding. It is something I want to do for my baby, and I'll be sad if I have to give up on it.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Recent Events
It's been a busy and eventful time. Too busy to post.
We moved in mid-February. It was only a block but still required the whole packing and unpacking thing.
Meanwhile, I was keeping very busy at work, trying to get my projects wrapped up before the baby was born.
During the first week of March we were in a car accident. No one was hurt, but the car is not drivable.
During the second week of March my son was born, 10 days before his due date. He was 7 lbs, 11 ounces and 21.25 inches long.
We still aren't completely unpacked. Not all my work projects were completed. We still don't have a car. And I need to sleep. But we have a beautiful boy, who I still can barely fathom is mine.
I am happy.
We moved in mid-February. It was only a block but still required the whole packing and unpacking thing.
Meanwhile, I was keeping very busy at work, trying to get my projects wrapped up before the baby was born.
During the first week of March we were in a car accident. No one was hurt, but the car is not drivable.
During the second week of March my son was born, 10 days before his due date. He was 7 lbs, 11 ounces and 21.25 inches long.
We still aren't completely unpacked. Not all my work projects were completed. We still don't have a car. And I need to sleep. But we have a beautiful boy, who I still can barely fathom is mine.
I am happy.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Gross Misuses of Power
It wasn't so long ago that graphic design was done by a professional with a lightboard (or, at very least, a complex piece of software that required specialized training). Now, just about anyone can publish newsletters and make flyers, and the result is often ugly/unreadable/terrifying. The same goes with web page design.
Similarly the results of amateur dabbling with Microsoft Access create problems for years after the "developer" has left since the system may still be in use. There is a definite art and science to good database design that will allow you to easily expand the systems scope and create reports to answer just about anything relevant to the data. On the other hand, bad database design results in a system that is difficult to maintain, limited in functionality, confusing to document, and will require months of conversion effort before back data can be moved to a better system.
Today, I'm trying to document a horrible Access database, and it is maddening.
Similarly the results of amateur dabbling with Microsoft Access create problems for years after the "developer" has left since the system may still be in use. There is a definite art and science to good database design that will allow you to easily expand the systems scope and create reports to answer just about anything relevant to the data. On the other hand, bad database design results in a system that is difficult to maintain, limited in functionality, confusing to document, and will require months of conversion effort before back data can be moved to a better system.
Today, I'm trying to document a horrible Access database, and it is maddening.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Goodbye, Grandpa O
My grandfather died on Friday night. My mom called Saturday morning. His death was sudden insofar that he wasn’t ill. On the other hand, he was 91 (a few months from 92) and had grown noticeably weaker when I saw him at Christmas, so death was not outside the realm of possibilities.
He died in his sleep, which is all any of us can hope for ourselves.
The funeral is today. I won’t be there. I always thought I would be there for his funeral, but I never anticipated him dying when I was 35 weeks pregnant and moving in 4 days. The logistics of travel just seem like too much right now. Still, I worry that not being there will mean I have a hard time grasping that he’s really gone.
At least I was able to spend time with him and my grandmother at Christmas. My husband was able to meet him on several occasions. I had, of course, been hoping that he would be able to meet his new great-grandson, but I knew those visits would be few and my son would be too young to remember them.
My grandfather was an extraordinary man. He served in the Air Force, including flying in combat during WWII. He was a professional photographer in a small town, and there are many people for whom he took senior photos then their wedding photos then their children’s senior photos then their children’s wedding photos. Perhaps the most amazing thing is that he was happily married to my grandmother for over 70 years.
To all the emotions of being pregnant and setting up a new home sadness has been added. I pack a box, have a crying jag, and go on.
I will miss you, Grandpa.
He died in his sleep, which is all any of us can hope for ourselves.
The funeral is today. I won’t be there. I always thought I would be there for his funeral, but I never anticipated him dying when I was 35 weeks pregnant and moving in 4 days. The logistics of travel just seem like too much right now. Still, I worry that not being there will mean I have a hard time grasping that he’s really gone.
At least I was able to spend time with him and my grandmother at Christmas. My husband was able to meet him on several occasions. I had, of course, been hoping that he would be able to meet his new great-grandson, but I knew those visits would be few and my son would be too young to remember them.
My grandfather was an extraordinary man. He served in the Air Force, including flying in combat during WWII. He was a professional photographer in a small town, and there are many people for whom he took senior photos then their wedding photos then their children’s senior photos then their children’s wedding photos. Perhaps the most amazing thing is that he was happily married to my grandmother for over 70 years.
To all the emotions of being pregnant and setting up a new home sadness has been added. I pack a box, have a crying jag, and go on.
I will miss you, Grandpa.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Trust 2.0
The pre-commercialized and non-web-enabled Internet was a trusted environment. The sys admins knew each other. If they saw a problem coming from a particular address space they knew who to call.
Because everyone was trusted there were few security controls built in to the architecture. Most of us don't lock the doors inside our home because we trust the people inside. Same thing. That's why the original Internet Worm (the Morris Worm) in 1988 was so devastating. And that's why we still have problems today.
Here's a fairly non-technical example of the technical security problems of the Internet. To send email you used to have to type who it was to, who it was from, and the message. Note that you TYPED who the message is from. In a trusted environment it was assumed that no one would lie about who they were. This is the exact same protocol that goes on behind the scenes in our fancy email applications and online services. This is why spammers can make their emails look they they come from a variety of fake addresses. This is why many viruses would hijack people's address book, so that their malicious message looked like they came from friends.
There are a multitude of problems like the email protocol. The Internet generally believes what it is told about what something is and where it is from. This creates problems when untrusted people enter into a trusted space. We try to layer on protections like anti-virus software and site analysis tools, but the underlying architecture remains open.
Enter Web 2.0. As pointed out by many including this recent CSO Online article social networking sites have the added danger of providing very powerful capabilities to non-techies. And they continue to be environments of trust.
The ability to post and share files (including pictures and applications) used to require programming, but now everyone can do it. Although Facebook users may invoke their privacy settings they are still in a largely trusted environment as there is little authentication for "friends." This combination of power to those who may not understand and lack of authentication allow for a multitude of threats.
First, actual friends may unknowingly open you up to threats. They may link to some malicious code (possibly found one of their "friend's" sites) that will steal your personal information or provide access to your employer's network. They may (with or without malice) post personal information about your or pictures that will haunt you later.
Lack of authentication means that someone who is not actually your friend can do the above, too. Additionally, if you friend a faker you have given them access to data that you considered private. Why did you friend that person? Perhaps they were a friend of a friend.
I admit that I use some of the Web 2.0 tools. And I blog, so I'm obviously not the most hardcore of privacy geeks. Security and privacy are always trade-offs for other things, such as convenience and functionality. Sometimes I decide it is worth it to make the trade. But I do so knowing that a trade is being made. Many people don't think about that part. And they get in trouble.
Whenever you post anything or click on anything or believe anything on the Internet consider who you are trusting. Since it is essentially impossible to delete anything from the Internet, the answer is usually that you are trusting everyone for all time. Privacy settings may temporarily limit the sphere of trust, but it should be assumed that those limits will eventually erode.
Who do you really trust?
UPDATE: For an example of how Trust in Real Life can create technical vulnerabilities. Check out this social engineering example that uses someone's MySpace/Twitter updates, a cheap shirt, a USB drive, and cookies to hack a network.
Because everyone was trusted there were few security controls built in to the architecture. Most of us don't lock the doors inside our home because we trust the people inside. Same thing. That's why the original Internet Worm (the Morris Worm) in 1988 was so devastating. And that's why we still have problems today.
Here's a fairly non-technical example of the technical security problems of the Internet. To send email you used to have to type who it was to, who it was from, and the message. Note that you TYPED who the message is from. In a trusted environment it was assumed that no one would lie about who they were. This is the exact same protocol that goes on behind the scenes in our fancy email applications and online services. This is why spammers can make their emails look they they come from a variety of fake addresses. This is why many viruses would hijack people's address book, so that their malicious message looked like they came from friends.
There are a multitude of problems like the email protocol. The Internet generally believes what it is told about what something is and where it is from. This creates problems when untrusted people enter into a trusted space. We try to layer on protections like anti-virus software and site analysis tools, but the underlying architecture remains open.
Enter Web 2.0. As pointed out by many including this recent CSO Online article social networking sites have the added danger of providing very powerful capabilities to non-techies. And they continue to be environments of trust.
The ability to post and share files (including pictures and applications) used to require programming, but now everyone can do it. Although Facebook users may invoke their privacy settings they are still in a largely trusted environment as there is little authentication for "friends." This combination of power to those who may not understand and lack of authentication allow for a multitude of threats.
First, actual friends may unknowingly open you up to threats. They may link to some malicious code (possibly found one of their "friend's" sites) that will steal your personal information or provide access to your employer's network. They may (with or without malice) post personal information about your or pictures that will haunt you later.
Lack of authentication means that someone who is not actually your friend can do the above, too. Additionally, if you friend a faker you have given them access to data that you considered private. Why did you friend that person? Perhaps they were a friend of a friend.
I admit that I use some of the Web 2.0 tools. And I blog, so I'm obviously not the most hardcore of privacy geeks. Security and privacy are always trade-offs for other things, such as convenience and functionality. Sometimes I decide it is worth it to make the trade. But I do so knowing that a trade is being made. Many people don't think about that part. And they get in trouble.
Whenever you post anything or click on anything or believe anything on the Internet consider who you are trusting. Since it is essentially impossible to delete anything from the Internet, the answer is usually that you are trusting everyone for all time. Privacy settings may temporarily limit the sphere of trust, but it should be assumed that those limits will eventually erode.
Who do you really trust?
UPDATE: For an example of how Trust in Real Life can create technical vulnerabilities. Check out this social engineering example that uses someone's MySpace/Twitter updates, a cheap shirt, a USB drive, and cookies to hack a network.
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