A Better Form Letter of Rejection

(Literary Managers, feel free to use this!)

Dear playwright:

You are awesome. Seriously. You wrote a play. You didn’t just get an idea that you eventually forgot about. You didn’t jot down notes on a piece of paper that you later lost. You didn’t leave a few pages of dialogue in a long unopened file on your hard drive. You didn’t say that you would write a play. You actually wrote a play. I applaud your obvious passion for writing.

Not only did you write a play, but you took the time to submit it to us. I appreciate the time, dedication, and bravery it takes to send your work to be judged by strangers. I am honored that you trusted our theatre with your words.

I regret to inform you that we will not be producing your play. You and I both know that this is a form letter, so I won’t insult you with vague excuses for this rejection. You can’t learn anything from the phrase “not a good fit” even if it is sincere. However, I can truly state that I wish I had better news for you. I took this job because I enjoy working with playwrights and getting to produce plays. I don’t like having to be the bad guy.

Please keep writing, and keep submitting your work wherever you can. Go and prove me an idiot for having sent this. I hope to someday hear your name in connection with a highly successful production or prestigious award, and I hope I will recognize you as someone whose work I allowed to pass across my desk. I don’t want to think that I killed your dreams or chances at success. Your success will help to ease my conscience, which is burdened by having to reject so many plays that I need to do it via form letter.

Sincerely,
Literary Manager/signed