On the Mommy Track

I’ve always considered myself a career-woman. Sure, I may have sometimes slowed my career (and earnings) in exchange for changes in specialty and employment sector, but I was always focused on being successful in my professional life. Even as recently as my maternity leave I applied for another position in search of greater challenges and visibility.

That most recent job pursuit resulted in three rounds of interviews. In that last round, I was one of two finalists (down from 20 candidates for the initial phone interview and who knows how many applicants). In the end, they chose the other person. I was disappointed, of course! Who doesn’t want people to think they are the best person for a job? But I was also a bit relieved. By the time the choice was made I had been back to work for several weeks and was increasingly unhappy about the time my job kept me away from the critter. A new job would mean a learning curve that would likely result in longer hours. The greater degree of responsibility would like mean that those longer hours would likely persist.

Another mommy had pointed out that with 50 hours a week in daycare the critter spent most of his waking hours there. That was a very depressing thought. On weekends I didn’t want to do anything without the baby because I was acutely aware of how limited that time was. My personal self began to atrophy due to the lack of time when I wasn’t caring for the baby. I was exhausted. Something had to change.

So, starting this week, I will be a part-time SAHM. I start working 3 days a week, which gives me 2 extra days with my boy and a lot of extra breathing room to occasionally do things on my own without feeling guilty for being away. By working part time (rather than staying at home full time), I’ll still get the satisfaction of my professional accomplishments, contributing to the household income, and just having a reason to know what day of the week it is. I am hopeful that this will be the perfect balance for me.

I am extremely grateful to my wonderful husband whose support (both personally and financially) is making this possible. I am truly a very lucky woman.

So, will this adjustment affect my future career opportunities? I hope not, but I realize it might. That’s okay. My priority is my boy. For all my accomplishments both professionally and artistically, this critter is the project that by far brings me the most joy. I never expected to not continue working full time, but I never expected to love motherhood this much. It is the most amazing thing I've ever done.

And I'm still a playwright...

I haven't done any playwriting since December. I haven't submitted many of my finished plays either, particularly since the critter was born. I do still consider myself a playwright; it just hasn't been the focus of my life (and, therefore, of this blog).

My folks did give me a heads up on a festival seeking submissions down by them in Georgia. They wanted email submissions, so it was easy to send a couple of scripts off to them.

The festival director just called to let me know that they want to both plays. It's a one-night only of staged readings, but it's at least a production credit. I haven't had any work produced since january

Shameless self promotion post coming soon (when I get more details).

Do multiple meetings and emails make a sound?

If a tree falls in the forest and someone IS there to hear it but doesn't pay any attention, does it still make a sound? Moreover, if the tree falls then falls on that someone and injures them is it really the tree's fault after loudly sounding the warning of danger???

Here's the deal. My biggest work project of late has been trying to implement this new system. However, whenever I get a segment done and ask the person who will actually use the system to check that what I did is correct, he never does.

Without going into all the boring details, this system involves a lot of accounting transactions. I have not had an accounting class in over 15 years, and I was never good at it then. I make sure to repeat this when I request help checking things. Essentially, I am not qualified to check every nuance. Oh, I can catch blatant errors and send change requests back to the developers, but once I'm satisfied someone who knows this stuff should really look at it. But no one ever does.

Well, we've been live for a few weeks now. The decision to go live was based on my data checks. Now the primary user finally looked at something and found a problem. This problem would have been easy to fix BEFORE we went live, but now that the numbers have been published the correction process is very complex. It sucks.

I want to say, "I told you so." After all, I did. But I have enough work experience to know that isn't how life works. This will come back on me. Either I should have done more checking, or I should have sat with the user until he did it.

I was already stressed today about how hard it seems to be to find a birthing class that doesn't conflict with my baby shower. I really didn't need a 4 o'clock surprise of actual significance.

Work in Progress

My husband patiently allowed me to hole up in our office for most of yesterday. I must admit that my attention was often split between writing and checking out NFL stats particularly as they impacted my fantasy football match-up this week. Still, I got quite a bit done on full-length play I've been working on. And by working on I mean that I started strong but haven't touched the script in over a month.

I forced it out. There are details of the story that I'm still uncertain of, but I made myself put something on paper. It's hard to rewrite what you haven't written in the first place. The script is still rather short for a full length, but I notoriously underwrite my first drafts. I tend to fly through the events as they unfurl in my head, which means I have to go back and add pesky things like character development later.

It felt good to get this out. This was a project that really excited me in the beginning. It is my first time blending my playwriting with my professional life as it is a story that deals with information privacy issues. Forcing myself to work reminded me that the idea still excites me. It's just that little things like being pregnant have been a distraction (as well as, at times, making me exhaustion to the point of uselessness).

This project also scares me. The subject is something that interests me greatly, but I am a bit of an informaiton privacy wonk. Can I keep the story interesting and avoid sounding like I'm proselytizing? Can I keep enough techie details to be authentic without losing the audience in jargon? Plus, as the play is currently structured it combines realistic scenes with very non-realistic scenes. Will it work?

The only way to know if the play will work is to continue writing it.

Although I don't intend to give up writing for motherhood I know that in the beginning there will not be much time for creating new work. As a result, I want to get a lot of writing done this winter to have things that I can edit and submit as time permits when the baby is born. This play will be the centerpiece of that effort. I look forward to getting home tonight and continuing my effort.

I still exist

So getting back in the habit of writing--making time to write--obviously hasn't been working. Sure, I've done a little since I posted last. I started a rewrite of one of my full lengths (about 7 pages...not much). I jotted down notes for about 3 one acts in my journal. Still, I haven't been doing much. I haven't even been posting here, which is supposed to be the *easy* part since I just need to do it and not complete some sort of amazing piece of Art.

I'd say I've been busy, which I have, but that's still an excuse. I need to find the time to do what is important. I think perhaps my lack of writing time has been why I've felt so at sea these last few weeks. Of course that's a death spiral. Not writing makes me feel purposeless, listless, and just plain less. When I feel that way I don't write.

This is why, even though I don't have much time to regale you, loyal reader, with profundity or amusing anecdotes, I still logged on. I needed to put words on this little screen with the expectation that more will follow. And they will. I am presently a lapsed writer. I will restore my discipline and my focus and then look out!

Counter Resolutionary

I don't make New Year's resolutions, but I did make some annual goals. That one about journaling at least twice week has already fallen apart. The good news is that when I was not journaling I was doing some actual playwriting. Plus I made two submissions this week. So, I'm being productive. I'm just not journaling.

One of the plays I sent out yesterday is the revised version of my first full-length play. The audience reception when an earlier version of the play was performed at a small festival in 2004 is what encouraged me to focus on playwriting. Unfortunately, even though I collaborated with some respected peers to come up with what I feel is a much stronger script (dropped stuff that hadn't worked on stage/expanded stuff that did), I haven't been able to successfully pitch it anywhere else. I gave up on it for a while.

Maybe people just don't like. Maybe it's not that good. But I have a fondness for it. I think one of the problem with marketing it is that the play is simply a zany farce. There is no higher meaning. It is not a political or social commentary of any kind. It's just fun, and it seems that so many theatres looking for new works are looking for plays of "substance." I tried hitting some community summer stock theatres, which do tend to lean toward lighter fare, but this play also has some very dark humor. The lead's wife shoots herself in the head on page three. That's just not the comedy that most blue-haired, barn-going, summer audiences want.

Still, there is a warm place in my heart for this script. I hope some twisted person will read it and decide to put it on. I hope I get to see it again.

Relaxation, Inspiration...stagnation

I had another massage yesterday. While lying there facedown and naked, I got an idea. An idea for a short play. Probably a one-act. Maybe a ten-minute. As my body became more and more relaxed the idea became more and more clear. On the train ride home I started to write it...in a journal that I just happened to buy on sale yesterday. The cover of the journal is imprinted with the words "If you wish to be a writer, write!"

I try. I try to write, but time seems so fleeting. I work. I'm planning a wedding. And another party. And I want to work out more. And, can't I just enjoy some time with my friends? And after work I just need to relax. Just for a bit...

Sure I can steal a few minutes of work to create largely unformatted and uneditted blog posts, but working on a play is much more involved.

As I showed the other night.

I came home. I made dinner. I watched some TV. I played some Wii. I sent some emails. Then I started to write. I started to write about half an hour before I should have gone to bed. I was up for an hour and a half. The next day I was exhausted.

Once I start writing I can't stop. (Usually. At least in the early drafts. Rewrites are harder.)

I need to find a way to balance all the things I want to do. I don't know how to do that. It's frustrating. I know I could do so much, if I only had the time.

Back to work!

Submission

I begin again. Last night I made two submissions to a local festival. One piece was newly written; the other was an edit of an older work that has never been produced. The holiday season is harrowing, but I feel that I am on the path again. I am writing again. I am submitting again. Hopefully that combination will result in me being produced again. I need to continue the trend of getting more productions each year. (2007 had 1 full-length production and 3 one-act productions, plus 2 public readings.) Plays are not meant to sit in a box or on a computer. Being a "semi-finalist" is reassuring, but they call having a play produced having it "done" because it can't be finished until it is put on stage.

I also need to be produced in more places. For not living in Pittsburgh for two and a half years, my playwriting career remains quite Pittsburgh-centric. Not that Pittsburgh is bad. It has been and continues to be very good for me. I just feel that I need to break out more. It would be nice to be produced in the city where I live. To do that, I need to submit plays to local theatres. I began that last night.

Do I think I have a chance with what I submitted? I never know. But at least I am trying. I wrote something. I sent it out. The rest is out of my hands.