My abstract condition

I'm pregnant.

I know I'm pregnant. Tests have told me I'm pregnant. I've heard a heartbeat other than my own hiding in my lower abdomen (twice). I've even seen an ultrasound picture of a 7 cm long fetus. I'm definitely pregnant.

Still, part of me doesn't believe it. I mean it's very unreal to think that there is a little person growing inside of me. Weird! And although visits to the midwives and hospital labs provide scientific assurances, my daily experiences are far more abstract.

Sure, I've gained 8 pounds in the past 15 weeks, but my weight has gone up and down my whole life. I've had the occassional headache, but many people do. My breasts have been tender, but that's still pretty minor.

I haven't had morning sickness, and I'm not going to complain about that. I certainly am thankful to not have to have daily head-first explorations of my office bathrooms. However, that would have been a more dramatic sign that "Yes, this is happening."

So when does it become real? When I finally "pop" out to a rounded belly rather than a simply pudgy one? When I feel a kick? When I'm so huge I can barely stand to move? Or will it not hit me until a baby comes out of me? Is it possible to think, even then, where did that come from?!