Boob Juice

Breastfeeding is the most rewarding and most challenging thing I've ever done.

When I am feeding my son and he looks up at me he truly feels like he is mine. At other times it is hard to believe that this beautiful boy is someone that my husband and I made, but when I hold him and feed him I feel so much like his mother. When he is done and contented and curls up against me it is pure bliss.

On the other hand, there is the feeling that I am always feeding. Each feeding lasts about an hour. During the day, he eats every 2-3 hours. That time is measured from the beginning of the last feeding, which means I often only have an hour before I feed him again. That is exhausting. And, of course, there is the lack of sleep from night feedings. I am told that over time the duration and frequency of feedings decreases, and I can't say that doesn't sound nice.

But we have had bigger challenges than exhaustion. Both the critter and I have struggled with the process. In the hospital, the nurses commented on how well we breastfed. This is because my son had a perfect latch (mouth position on the breast). Bad latch is a common breastfeeding problem. Unfortunately, what they didn't notice was that even though he looked like the poster boy for breastfeeding technique, he was not actually drinking deeply. At our pediatrician appointment 2 days after being discharged from the hospital he had lost more weight than babies usually do. We started working with a lactation consultant.

The lactation consultant taught me how to encourage the baby to take big gulps and taught my husband how to assist me at that. This helped...somewhat. A few days later the critter's weight was up but only by a third of an ounce. At least he wasn't losing.

I was started taking fenugreek and pumping for 10 minutes after each feeding. Still, the critter didn't gain anything by the next appointment. Or the appointment after that.

We started providing an ounce of formula after each feeding to supplement his nutrition. I also started taking a drug called domperidone to stimulate my milk production.

Taking the domperidone was a big decision for me. I was raised by a nurse and a pharmacist, and I have no problem with medicine. However, I also don't believe in taking anything unnecessarily. I have always taken that approach with my own health, but I feel even more strongly about that for my baby. That is why having a natural birth was important to me. Breastfeeding was important to me because it is the more natural option. So it was difficult for me to have to take pills in order to go the "natural" route. Still, continuing with the use of formula would likely mean my milk supply would decrease until it was gone. And I wasn't ready to give up on breastfeeding yet (for reasons see the beginning of this post).

At his last check up the critter gained 3 ounces. That met our ounce a day goal. He has another appointment tomorrow. I am hoping to see continued progress.

I know that formula feeding is not failure. I've even read the article in this month's Atlantic about how there isn't really evidence to back up the hype of "breast is best." Still, I hope I'm not just being stubborn in my commitment to breastfeeding. It is something I want to do for my baby, and I'll be sad if I have to give up on it.