Trashing More Than Dresses

In researching wedding photography I have discovered a phenomenon of which I was not previously aware: the "trash the dress" photo session. One or more days after the wedding the bride (with or without her groom) meets with a photographer and poses for a bunch of artsy photos that will ultimately destroy her wedding dressing. Activities may include crawling across the ground or swimming in a lake. The supposed idea behind this is that the dress won't be worn again, so the bride might as well have some fun with it.

Okay, I'll admit that some of the "trash the dress" photos I've seen have been pretty cool. Still, I find this tradition disturbing on a few levels:

1. As though the the price many women pay for their dresses weren't excessively wasteful enough, now they are literally turning the dress to trash. That dress could be donated through one of a variety of charities that provide dresses to those who would not have the means to have one. Or, slightly less charitably, the dress could be sold to someone who doesn't mind a pre-worn dress in exchange for a more reasonable price. Even the idea of preserving the dress (although usually it is never worn again) at least has the prospect of reuse. In a world where we use once then throw away so many items, "trash the dress" is one more example.
2. Maybe it's the writer in me, but I do see symbolism in things. In addition to the chance that one's daughter or granddaughter might where it, the other reason women preserved their dresses is because their wedding dresses were special to them. Preserving the dress meant preserving that day. It keeps the wedding day important, significant, and cherished. What does trashing the dress do?

Of course, maybe this is just tied to the recent trends in dramatic wedding photography. My grandfather was a professional photographer for many years and did hundreds, probably thousands of weddings. Wedding portraits were a few set shots taken quickly (usually on the chapel alter). The time was so short that the guests could actually linger outside with rice and not be completely bored. Most of the photos from the day were to record the actual events of the day: the ceremony, the cake-cutting, the dancing. Those were more important than a bunch of poses.

But then people wanted to get artsy. They wanted their wedding photographs taken in every scenic spot in or around where they were getting married. The extensive list of required shots combined with the travel time led to a trend in long, tedious (for the guests) gaps between ceremonies and receptions.

From that came a new trend (that my mother, in particular, really hates). Since couples didn't want their guests to have to wait while the pictures are being taken, they started doing the pictures before the ceremony. Although I'm not into superstitions, I still like the idea of my groom and I seeing each other for the first time as I walk down the aisle.

I don't like the posed wedding shots. It's good to have a few of the portrait style, but it is the day I want to remember. I'm not trying to be a model. I don't need an album full of me and John, no matter how good we may look on that day (and I do intend to look good).

Some friends of mine eloped to Mexico last year. They hired an officiant and a photographer. They have an album full of beautiful, really gorgeous pictures of the the two of them on the beach. The pictures are truly stunning. They could easily appear in bridal magazines. But they also made me a bit sad. They were beautiful, but they were alone. That's not what I want.

I want pictures of us, but I also want pictures of our friends and family. Hopefully they will be pictures of everyone happy and having a good time. I want pictures that chronicle details that I may have missed. I want pictures that remind me of my favority moments. Although I hope that pictures of me are generally flattering I don't need vanity shots. Trust me. I'm vain enough.

Luckily, there seems to be somewhat of a counter-trend to what was described above. Many wedding photographers, including the one I hired specialize in "photojournalist" style. This emphasizes candid and semi-candid moments over poses. It emphasizes real events. Sure, we'll have some portraits taken. We're doing them at the ceremony site. Since the reception is at the same site our guests will start cocktail hour. We intend to be able to join them for at least half of that.

I know the argument for the extravagence and the vanity is that you only have this "one day." I would remind brides that that "one day" is supposed to be a commencement not a stand alone event. I think there should be a trend toward smaller weddings and bigger anniversary parties. Every anniversary should justify a bigger, more extravagence. Heck, if through some miracle of longevity John and I make it 50 years together, I will happily blow large portion of our kids'/grandkids' inheritance to have the best party of our lives. Sorry, kids.

I apologize to anyone who many read this who has an album full of dramatic portraits from their wedding day or who may have a details depiction of a wedding dress being artfully destroyed. That's your perogative. You have to do what makes you happy. That's just not what does it for me.

PS-I'm spending $500 on my attire (dress, shoes, accessories). Even at that "bargain" price, I have no intention of trashing my dress.