Ex does not have to mean ex-friend

Some people think it's strange, but I'm close friends with a number of my ex-boyfriends. Moreso, two of my closest girlfriends are the ex-wife of one of my ex-boyfriends and the future wife of another ex-boyfriend. (Did you follow that?) A friend of the latter couple, when finding out that I, the ex-girlfriend, was friends with the current fiance told my ex that he couldn't have that. Granted the friend was quite drunk, but sober folks have expressed similar amazement at these situations. Didn't they watch "Friends?" Apparently, hanging out with exes and their currents is supposed to be the stuff of sitcoms and soap operas. Decent people aren't supposed to do that in real life.

I guess the implied acceptable act is to cut off all ties from anyone with whom you were once seriously involved and anyone with whom that person may currently be involved. That, however, seems like quite a waste of good people.

If I dated someone (particularly if I dated them for a long enough period of time that the relationship can't be blamed on a superficial infatuation), we must have enjoyed each other's company. We must have had things in common. Why do we have to give all that up just because we aren't each other's soulmates.

Now, that's not to say that the day after a break-up is a good day to go out for coffee. I've tried to force healing too soon. It is difficult and usually becomes unpleasant. But as they say, "time heals all wounds." Most of them anyway. With due time, we can be grown ups and admit that we still like each other even if we no longer like-like each other. It helps, too, if both have moved on to other relationships. That way there is less chance that someone is wondering "what if?" or that someone is wondering if the other person is wondering "what if?"

Insular situations like college or theatre or college theatre often result in the recycling of who dates whom. Much like on sitcoms. Those of us who are in those sorts of situations understand, and this stuff doesn't feel like a big deal. It happened. It's over. We've moved on. Others find this strange. I remember being at the bar after a show with a guy I was dating who was not a theatre person. Picking up on conversational clues he asked me how many of the guys there I had dated. There were about 20 people gathered in the back room of the bar. I believe my answer was 7. Certainly some of those were 1 or 2 dates and others were relationships of a year or more, but the answer was 7.

I sometimes wish that I didn't have the romantic history with some of these guys, just to make our friendship less of an oddity. I do not ever regret being friends with them. I do, however, wonder sometimes about those with whom I have lost touch. Not pining for them. Just wondering how they are doing. They are good guys.

My fiance admits that he is sometimes a bit weirded out when meeting my exes, but he is friends with the one he has gotten to know best (solely based on proximity). Okay, I admit it sometimes weirds me out. It's weird to have that much history with people. But I wouldn't give it up. True friends are worth any awkwardness.