10 Pounds

One of my goals for the year (I dare not curse them with the title "resolutions.) was to lose 10 pounds before my wedding. I've altered my diet (both by limiting calories and adding more healthy foods), and I've started to exercise regularly (or at least occasionally). Sometimes when people would find out particularly about my calorie counting they'd roll their eyes. You see, I wasn't fat. I know that. By both aesthetic and health (i.e. BMI) terms I was doing just fine. As a result, people viewed my wanting to lose weight as overly vain and unimportant. ("Go ahead. Have a donut. It isn't like YOU can't afford it.") But I see it differently.

I was a reasonable size by happenstance. I walk probably more than an average amount just in the act of going to and from work and various offices during work. I also live in a 3rd floor walk up. These sort of things plus a decent metabolism seemed to keep even my addiction to french fries from having too bad an effect. However, as I've grown older, the scale has been creeping up. Reason 1 to lose weight: To get a grip on an otherwise slippery slope.

Although I was a size that could be considered enviable I was not healthy. I was weak due to poor muscle tone. I became easily winded. I went days without any significant servings of fruits or vegetables (other than those french fries, which do not count). Reason 2 to lose weight: To become healthy. I believe that reason 1 ties to reason 2. It's all about reason 2.

Losing weight is demonstrative of becoming fit. Could I get fit and remain the same size and weight that would have been fine, but I knew that wasn't how it works.

When I was in grad school a few years back I was the healthiest I'd ever been (which still wasn't that healthy). I was in school full time. Although school was very challenging I needed breaks from the thinking, so I was taking a lot of dance and pilates. Because I wasn't working I had a strict budget. The cheapest place to buy food was the farmer's market. My diet was far from balanced (i.e. sweet potatoes for dinner 3 nights in a row!) but at least there were some vitamins in there. I felt good, and I looked good. When I gained 20 pounds in the years since grad school I still may have looked good, but I didn't feel good. I also didn't feel like I looked good.

I have lost ten pounds since January.

Folks roll their eyes. They feel I didn't need to do it. (I needed to do it for me.) They feel that for someone who is fairly thin it doesn't take much effort to lose ten pounds. (I have worked my ass off. Literally.) They can think what they want. I feel better.

I just did some shopping. I bought some more stylish and fun items than usual. I've only gone down one size, but I feel confident, which inspires me to take more risks. I chose clothes based on what would be flattering, because I felt that I was in desperate need of flattering. Now I can buy clothes to have fun rather than as something to hide my less favorite parts. I feel that I will look great in my wedding gown. I am excited to buy a swim suit for our beach honeymoon. But most importantly, I feel good about what I'm doing for my body. I feel that I will be able to live a long healthy life with John. I feel like I could responsibly get pregnant (which is definitely in our plans).

Folks can roll their eyes, but 10 pounds is a lot. It's a big deal. It an amazing accomplishment. Maybe if some of those folks cut back on the fast food and took a walk once in a while they'd understand.