The Food Fight Continues

So my frustration with dieting naysayers that I described in a previous post continues.

I just got an email from a friend who is struggling to lose weight. Although she talks about wanting to lose weight for image reasons, this recent push, however, is for medical/health reasons. She is frustrated with here prescribed diet and exercise program. That's understandable. She was ranting about this struggle in here email. That's understandable, too. What got me riled up though was this statement, "I hate that all of my friends can eat normally and lose weight."

There it was again, that assumption this my major lifestyle changes are easy. Now, maybe she has the wrong impression since I save my splurging for when I go out. But as I eat my lunch of edamame, low fat cheese, and apple (rather than the burger and fries that smell so good a couple of cubes over) I am pissed off.

I'm sorry that she's struggling, but her struggle has actually been frustrating to me in the last few months. She bitches about not seeing results, but I never saw her trying. Maybe it is the same thing I mentioned above, and she was splurging for social event. Still, I have my doubts.

For a while we were both using www.thedailyplate.com to track our eating habits. She quit a few weeks ago, but even when she was on I don't think she was being honest with herself. Those nights we would go out were missing big chunks of details, so I wonder what her other days were. Like the boy who cried wolf I had a hard time sympathizing when she would claim to have been under on calories all week but still not have lost any weight. (Me? I bought a kitchen scale because I know I suck at estimate portions.) Additionally, she didn't track her alcohol. She'll definitely have a few drinks when she goes out and that can really add up.

Similarly on exercise she talks about doing a 20 minute pilates DVD in the morning and walking on her lunch hour. Certainly that's better than nothing, but if she's not sweating and getting her heart rate up she's not really making an impact. I know that because I've read it. I know that because I've lived it.

Ultimately, I feel it comes down to motivation. She is not vain enough to make the change purely for image reasons (which is good because I think the ability to seriously diet just to get into a smaller pair of jeans seems like it could put someone on the road of a dangerous eating disorder). However, just being TOLD to do things by her doctor is not enough. She wants to want it. The changes I have made have not been easy, but they are worth it because I am getting what I want out of it. It's like saving up to buy something you want. You make sacrifices everyday, but you end up with something you want. For me, I want to be healthy.

Wanting to be healthy is only part of the complex motivations that have inspired me to improve my lifestyle in ways I never could before. Being healthy for me was never an effective motivator, but now I have more. I want to be healthy for John, so that we can have a long and healthy marriage. I want to be healthy so that I will be a good home for the first nine months of our children's lives. I want to be healthy because of my wedding, not because I want to look good in my dress (although that's an added bonus) but because of what follows the wedding.

I cannot mention those motivations to my friend because she is currently single and not happy about it. I can't help but wonder if that frustration and her diet/exercise frustration are related. I wish I knew how to help her.

Although I occasionally try to mention diet finds and exercise hints, I know that trying to be her personal trainer will not work. Mostly I sit back and let her do what she wants. I'm offering to help, but I'm not going to push.

Is it right for me to think so much about what she is doing wrong, probably not. I try to focus on myself, but I've become acutely aware of what's healthy and unhealthy that I see it in others.

I hope she succeeds. I feel so good (physically and mentally) that I want everyone to feel this good. But even if she fails I hope she respects the work that I do everyday.